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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - thank you for all the advice...I know, I know...the changing cell phone, the locked car, etc etc.  It does sound bad, but he has repeated over and over that it was not physical.

I do think he has or had a big crush on her.  I do think she also pursued him.  and now that I see the comment about him just asking me to move out a few days ago, I realize that is terrible.  He wasn't thinking straight at all.  I think he did want a divorce or separation and he sort of fell under her spell.  He also had an anxiety disorder that occassionally rears its ugly head.  He was going through a lot of stress at work. None of this makes it right at all, but I think it built up into a situation where he was communicating with her constantly.  i think in his mind, he was unhappy with me, and so he allowed himself to reach out to her (his crush)...I think he has come to his senses a little bit anyways right now.  
I agree that it may be hard to me to forget about her but prob. even harder for him to forget about her.  But I have three kids and a house I really like and we can't afford to get divorced.  Also, he seems genuinely sorry (despite the fact that he won't let me see emails/texts.)  The phone company doesn't keep texts or records of what numbers texts were sent to..I already called. [/quote]

You've got it backward.  He was having an affair, so he started thinking he was unhappy with you in order to justify his affair. You have to be the bad guy, or the cognitive dissonance would make his head explode.[/quote]

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