Reply to I didn't fully comprehend the cost of eldercare

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hello from hell in SC! I’m reporting that my 80 year old mother with dementia in a memory care facility is currently costing 36k a month due to the need for 24/7 private aids due to lots of falls!

She was frugal her whole life and saved a nest egg as a teacher.[b] A year at Clemson for one of our kids is being spent a month for her [/b]crappy care with uneducated aides who ignore her half of the time unless I argue with their supervisor.

My advice is to make sure whatever facility you place your parents in at the beginning of this journey is also qualified to accept Medicaid and has a good reputation as a Medicaid facility so that one day you can transition to that when the money runs out.

We will be moving her to a facility that requests a year of private pay before they will accept Medicaid and that is what we will need to do because she may live a lot longer, but her money is being rapidly spent down for her care
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Why are you spending your college savings on this if your mother has savings? Shouldn’t you be spending down her funds that she saved for this?
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I think PP is merely pointing out what an equivalent cost would be to show the magnitude, not that she is spending her kids’ college savings on her mother’s care.[/quote]

Yes, I realized that that was a possibility, but the thing is, that money was saved for her mom’s care when she became old. By comparing it to a year in college, she’s implying the idea that the money would have a better use than the care of her mom, ie: paying for the son’s college tuition. Her mom saved that money- that money is meant for exactly what she’s using it for.

My partner and I are saving and investing so that we will be able to pay for our care one day. We both have some longevity genes, so we want to have enough down the road to pay for what we need as we age. We do not want to be a financial burden to our children.

Our parents did this for us. Both sets had saved enough that they never needed money from their children. That was a huge gift to us. There wasn’t a lot left when they died, but we were happy that they were always comfortable as they aged and never needed to worry about money. 
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DP I still think it’s a useful comparison. For the cost of keeping a person, who may not even know who their own identity and/or have any meaningful quality of life, alive for 4 months a younger person could attain an entire 4 year college degree. 1 year in a nursing home = 12 years of college (3 whole degrees). It’s just a way to filter more money to private equity for minimal return.

I would be devastated if everything I spent my life building is burned through to keep me alive with the awareness of a toddler who may not be receiving any sort of quality care. I truly do not want to live this long.

My grandma lived to 100, her own elderly kids were exhausted spending their retirement managing her care. She laid in bed watching tv most days and occasionally got wheeled around in a wheelchair. She was still with it enough to express how she wished she wasn’t still alive but there are no real options if your body does just enough to sustain basic life functions. Please just give me an “accidental” overdose of pain meds and call it a day. [/quote]

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