Reply to IVF embryo error, custody settlement

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why does everyone here assume the birth family strong-armed the genetic parents? Is there any evidence of that? Does anyone even know if the genetic parents wanted another baby?[/quote]

If you have embryos on ice there is always the chance of another baby. Nobody asked them for permission to use their embryo in the first place. This isn't a finders keepers situation. Do you have any kids of your own? Your detachment from genetic bonds is very odd.[/quote]

This situation is a tragedy with no easy answers. Have you never given birth? Can you even imagine someone ripping away a child you always understood to be yours after carrying the child for nine months, having a traumatic delivery, and nursing the baby? The trauma of someone taking that child from me (exactly why I could NEVER be a surrogate).

Suggesting that the “obvious” or “easy” solution is that the birth parents should “give the baby back” is just absurd. Again, it’s a terrible situation with no easy answers.
Someone will be harmed no matter what decision is made.[/quote]

DP but I think the answer is both obvious and incredibly difficult.  The parents who are keeping this baby are doing the easy but unethical thing.[/quote]

+1 These desperate childless parents wanted a baby by any means possible. They are putting their needs above the child's and that's what is absurd. [/quote]

She carried a baby in her uterus that she genuinely believed was her own until she gave birth. I cannot believe people are blaming the birth mother for the situation.[/quote]

I'm the one who said this is obvious but incredibly difficult.  I don't blame her for the situation.  I do think she's in a terrible situation not of her making, and I still think she's behaving unethically by keeping the child.[/quote]

+1.  I get her desperation, but it’s focused on just this time in the child’s life.  The baby years are short.  This child will be a teenager and an adult wondering about their genetic family and very likely have negative feelings about not being able to be raised by them.

As others have said, it’s a lose-lose situation, but I think the better choice would have been to give the child to their genetic family, assuming that’s what they wanted.[/quote]

The genetic parents have visitation rights and will remain in the child’s life.[/quote]

So you disagree with surrogacy?[/quote]

No? I do disagree with non consensual, forced surrogacy.[/quote]

Is forced embryo donation ok?[/quote]

No! Neither is okay! As explained repeatedly, both sets of parents are real and valid parents with real and valid ties to the child. To act like what’s in the best interest of the child is an easy or obvious decision here is ridiculous.[/quote]

Doing the right thing is not always easy now they will have an awkward custody situation. [/quote]

All options are bad. No options are perfect. Keeping both sets of parents in the child’s life in some way is obviously in the child’s best interest.[/quote]

Yes she should have been with the bio parents with her real family, culture, and community. The gestational parent can have visitation. But the baby wouldn't remember her or care about her later. There will always be a connection with the bio parents and other family. To deny this is ridiculous. It's why adoptees seek out their bio parents. [/quote]

Have you ever heard of The Primal Wound? Again, all bad options here.

Adoptees seek out bio parents of course. This child will have access to her bio parents per the agreement.[/quote]

Some do, some don’t.  Stop projecting.  My kid has full access unrestricted or monitored and chooses limited contact mostly with me doing it. [/quote]

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