Reply to S/O Why can’t moms just chill and be nice?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a middle aged suburban mom who was relentlessly bullied in high school, I feel like I am reliving those horrific days again. I *hate* it, and I hate especially that it seems so much easier to be a dad: they don’t play these games and don’t care, so why do we?

Why can’t grown women just be cool and nice to each other? Real question. [/quote]

I'm truly not trying to be rude but I don't have a clue what you're on about.[/quote]

Ignore these posters op. They always show up to gaslight. There are plenty of us who know exactly what you are talking about. Many of us watch the bullying go on. I keep my distance from the mean girl cliques but it hurts when it affects your kids. And it does. [/quote]

NP. Having different experiences than you is not gaslighting.[/quote]

Then the onus is on the person unfamiliar to read and learn. Haven't run into this? Feel free to read others experiences and educate yourself so that you can contribute in a more meaningful way. [/quote]

Maybe you should read and learn about people who don't live in communities full of bullies then. Perhaps educate yourself.[/quote]

You are damned and determined to blame the victims here. You need therapy. I can't imagine what it would be like to be a friend of yours. [/quote]

I need therapy because my friends aren't bullies? Strange[/quote]

Your experience doesn't negate anyone else's. Nothing changes or makes the existence of bullies less true.[/quote]

I've never said it does. I only said that it was my experience and y'all jumped down my throat and said I was a bad friend who needed therapy. If you're worried about negating other people's experiences, you might want to look in the mirror.[/quote]

People are responding to the way you are treating them. Have you not had that experience before?

IRL, if one of your friends came to you with a problem, and you responded "Wow I have no idea what you are talking about. I've never experienced it at all. In fact I think it must be really unusual -- you are probably the only person I know with this problem. I wonder if maybe you are actually causing the problem?" Would your friend... be excited? Thank you profusely for being such a good sounding board? Feel accepted and loved? Or would she give you a tight smile, pretend like she wasn't annoyed with you, and then go home and think about what a huge b you are? Do you even know?

People in this thread don't have to see you the next day at school drop of or the next mom's night out, so they are telling you what a real life friend might keep to herself in order to keep the peace. You are gaslighting, acting superior, minimizing other people's experiences, and victim blaming. I have no idea if you are a good or a bad friend or whether you need therapy, maybe you are different with your friends. Maybe you are just having a bad day here. But I can tell you that the responses to you on this thread have been a direct, and appropriate, result of your own behavior.

If you don't think this is an issue, you could have just skipped the thread, or left on page 3. [/quote]

My posts in this thread have been three:

1: NP. Having different experiences than you is not gaslighting
2: Maybe you should read and learn about people who don't live in communities full of bullies then. Perhaps educate yourself.
3: I need therapy because my friends aren't bullies? Strange
4: I've never said it does. I only said that it was my experience and y'all jumped down my throat and said I was a bad friend who needed therapy. If you're worried about negating other people's experiences, you might want to look in the mirror.

The second one is a little snarky, but considering the hectoring tone of what I'm responding to, I think it was justified. None of them, however, come close to "you are probably the only person I know with this problem. I wonder if maybe you are actually causing the problem."

Now, your post is an interesting one. To start, you accuse me of saying things I didn't say. You then imply that maybe my mental state is why I'm saying these things (that I didn't say). Finally, you conclude by telling me that people are treating me in the way I deserve for saying those awful things (that I didn't say). From where I sit, that looks like gaslighting and victim blaming.
[/quote]

So you didn't enter this thread until the last few pages but chose to go right in on "Maybe you should read and learn about people who don't live communities full of bullies then. Perhaps educate yourself."? Interesting choice. This comment, by the way, is more than a little snarky. It's intentionally inflammatory.

I think you are either lying about these being your only posts in the thread (the tone of your posts matches that of other posts earlier in the thread, which is why people are assuming you wrote them), or you didn't actually read the earlier part of the thread, wandered into the middle of a discussion throwing stones, and instead of realizing your error and going back to read other responses and better understand the discussion, decided to get defensive and mean.

If you had read the thread, you'd know that literally no one has suggested that anyone lives in a community "full of bullies." In fact over and over again people have noted that most other moms are perfectly nice and this problem tends to be caused by a few people when it happens. And no one here is "uneducated" on the subject, since the subject is their personal experience.

But you actually know all this. I think you are engaging in a classic bullying technique now (DARVO, look it up) and I will not be engaging with you anymore. Enjoy your amazing bully-free existence, it must be great if this is what you are doing with your Wednesday morning.[/quote]

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