Reply to What would be the minimum frequency of sex to stay in your relationship / marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm PP. The other problem is that saying he can just divorce her sets up a "can't win" situation for a DH whose healthy SAHM wife refuses sex. OTOH, we tell him that he should be patient and supportive and do therapy, do more chores, spend more time focused on her, relieve her load as a SAHM, etc... for as long as it takes. But every year that he delays divorcing her costs him more and more money in the divorce settlement. She'll get more and more of his pension. She'll get a higher amount from the investments/retirement funds as his sole salary adds to their marital nest egg. All this time, he's doing his part (earning big bucks while she's not giving affection, care, or sex.)

I'm in my late 50s and I have friends/acquaintances who are closing in on 20 years of marriage but haven't had sex in at least the last 5 years. If these husbands don't divorce before that (and they're the higher earner) they will likely be on the hook for lifetime alimony in many states. So, which way do we want our public policy to go? Either we encourage people to leave right away when things get rocky, or we encourage them to stick it out and fight for their marriage. If it's the latter, we shouldn't financially punish them for having stayed longer than necessary when it turns out they can't reconcile.[/quote]

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