Reply to What would be the minimum frequency of sex to stay in your relationship / marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So many lady posts on here about how the relationship is about SO much more than just sex.

[b]So here's a post from a middle-aged man: a few times a week or it's over. [/b]I don't go around saying that, and don't need to. We've talked about it. She knows where I stand. She has her own list of things that's important. I have my list and it's very short, but nonnegotiable.

It would be her decision at this point. I'm not talking about health problems. If she was in radiation therapy or chemo and couldn't, I would be a perfect gentleman about that, be by her side till the end.

I'm talking willingness, not necessarily ability.[/quote]

Willing to throw away a lifetime relationship for sex? [/quote]

Is she willing to throw away a lifetime relationship to maintain no sex?

Cuts both ways.[/quote]

Having sex with a woman who doesn’t want to is disgusting. It doesn’t cut both ways. You’re sticking your body part into somebody who doesn’t want it there.[/quote]

But that's the job! So all these people are "quiet quitting" their marriages...[/quote]

Unless your marriage vows included regular sex in perpetuity, it's not the job.

In fact it's not a job at all, it's a commitment. If the circumstances change enough that one or both people are miserable, maybe get divorced. But lots of marriages get to the point where sex is rare or even non-existent and they choose to stay married. Also surveys indicate that money issues and communication problems are the leading causes of divorce, not lack of sex. If you have great communication and no money issues, you probably won't throw out the marriage just because you don't get as much sex as you want. You might try to negotiate an open marriage but tbh most people are too lazy for that.[/quote]

Sex is part of the marriage vows.  If sex is not important to the marriage, then why can’t the partner who wants more sex just sleep around at will?  Why do they need permission or an “open marriage?”  You can’t say sex is not important but infidelity is.  [/quote]what marriage vows did you take?[/quote]

Most marriages vows talk about fidelity, loyalty, faithfulness- what did you think they are talking about?  [/quote]

That just means you won't have sex with someone else. Do you think "loyalty" means having sex even when you don't want to? You are in the minority.

Marriage vows also usually say "in sickness and in health" and getting older and losing interest in sex is a health issue for most women. So is painful sex due to childbirth and menopause.

If your expectation is that marriage without sex is totally unacceptable, you need to make that an explicit part of the marriage vows/agreement with your spouse.[/quote]

So they are, in fact, about having sex.  I don’t know if you are being purposefully obtuse or what and I really don’t have a dog in this fight.

But it is worth pointing out that if sexual fidelity is important, than that means sex in general is important.  And being unable to engage in sexual relations because of a health issue is far different from declining to have sex because of resentment or grievances.[/quote]

DP, but this is accurate and consistent with any lucid and historical definition of marriage. If you try to diminish fidelity to "doesn't have sex with other people" then you are left with only control and manipulation. Which is very, very common.

The true understanding of fidelity is that "we provide sex only for each other". If you aren't willing to provide sex you are unfaithful.[/quote]

how is expecting enforcing someone to have sex with you not controlling or manipulative? If you are desirable, someone will want to have sex with you if you are not they won’t it’s really that simple married men think they have to stop trying that they are just guaranteed unlimited sex whenever however wherever they want and that is just not the case.

The reason men have sex with prostitutes or pay for sex is because those women don’t have to deal with any of the **** that you bring to a relationship and the extra weight that is put on your wives. If you took all of that weight off your wife’s shoulders, perhaps she would want to have more sex with you.[/quote]

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