Reply to What to tell child who is product of an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  What is the "right" thing to do at this point?[/quote]

Well, at this point your daughter is 1, so I doubt you have to tell her anything right now.

Other than providing financial support (which I actually don't agree with), the biological father owes you and your daughter nothing so trying to force him in her life is unfair and will likely have bad results. He didn't want the baby, you did. Now, it's time for you to raise the child.

When your DD gets to an age where she asks about her father you can tell her some version of the truth. When you decided to give birth against his wishes, you decided to handle all this on your own. Now get to it. [/quote]

Op ignore this dumb bitter person. You tell her the truth as she can understand. Families all different sizes, I love you, its just us for now...When she hits a certain age and only  you will know maturity wise get him on the phone and make him explain to her. The trump card of you not going public now is this... he doesnt answer her he can answer the press and his wonderful wife can explain to her friends and family what a wonderful  upstanding man she's been married to all these years. [/quote]

Actually, your advice sucks and you sound very vindictive (you even sound snarky about the wife...are you an OW?). Why on earth would you want to force this man's attention on a child he's clearly not interested in? Whether you like it or not, you can't force this man to feel any paternal love for his child and, other than forcing him to pay child support, you can't "make" him see/talk to the child.

[/quote]

You sound like a delusional woman. He had a child outside of marriage. The only reason he is keeping his distance is self preservation. He doesn't love the wife. If he did he would not have put his penis in somebody else. We ALL know where babies come from ... If he didn't then there is a much bigger problem.[/quote]

Whether this man does or does not love his wife is irrelevant. It also doesn't matter *why* he's keeping his distance. The point is..what good will come from forcing a relationship that he doesn't want?

I know I personally would never expose my child to someone who is not interested in being involved in their lives. Ultimately, that's way more damaging. I'd rather have no father presence than one where the guy was uninterested and seemed resentful of having to be a parent.

The OP knows where babies comes from too. Why are women let off so easy? [/quote]

Do you really think in reading OP's post she has gotten off? Easy?
Please tell me you know where babies come from and promise us you will not bring any. Love, Darwin
[/quote]

She doesn't need to get off easy. She continued the pregnancy knowing she would be a single mother. Now that the reality of being a single Mom is upon her and she finds it hard, doesn't give her the right to now want to change the rules. [/quote]

OP here. Who said anything about changing the rules? I asked how to explain the situation to my child in the way that will be the least harmful. Anonymous DCUMers can berate me all day long for getting into this situation but that isn't going to change the fact that the child is here and will need answers someday. The attitude that making a mistake in the past should preclude one from wanting what's best for their child in the future is ridiculous.

Thank you to the PP who was the child of an affair herself, and all the others who have weighed in constructively. You have given me a lot to think about.[/quote]

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