Reply to How to forgive spouse for initiating a gray divorce?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How to forgive spouse for initiating a gray divorce?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Alternatively Stud Dad, he did nothing to save the marriage, then more formally gave up and left. In true narc style, he’s doing it to find adoration, supply and happiness elsewhere!! [/quote]

I love stud dad!

I tried for years until I came to the painful realization that she was not in love with me and she was no longer attracted to me.  I don’t blame her, there had been times where I acted unlovable and unattractive, however nothing I did to alter my patterns of thought and behavior could salvage attraction. I’m not talking sexual attraction, if you have an imagination you can get through sex with anyone I’m talking about real attraction. 
She would’ve been quite content with a parallel life, the erratic sex life, conversations no deeper than traffic and logistics, but the gut doesn’t lie, you can tell when someone doesn’t love you anymore. When they’re not interested in you as a person real human attraction is gone,I would bring up therapy, books, plan little getaways and nothing clicked. Exercises that the therapist gave us never happened more than twice, continually showing me that she was not interested. 
Watching her act and play a part only to drop the character when the work of acting like she loved me became too hard became an intolerable roller coaster. 
Then came the lies and betrayal, I even convinced myself that that it was just a symptom, she really loved me underneath, it was just unresolved father issues or anxiety or whatever thing I found to blame it on.

It took six years and thousands of hours for me to come to the realization that my wife no longer loved me and was not attracted to me, nothing I could do would change that.

[/quote]

Here’s the thing that men don’t understand or don’t care about. Women will put their kids before their husbands. Men put themselves first.

I have had multiple friends laughingly make the same observation about being away from home or on vacation and the husband just gets his breakfast and his coffee because “he needs to wake up for a minute” but the wives feed the kids first and make sure they have what they need while maybe trying to chug coffee in between tasks. It’s like that in a million little ways.

So if the wife is drowning in household management, work and their kids needs, they are not going to drop any of those balls to make their husbands feel special and exciting. They are often begging for help to just get through the day, but since the husband doesn’t value any those things or acknowledge that they take time (because then it would be harder to justify his refusal to participate) they start huffing around that they aren’t getting the amount of attention they want.

It’s the same way a man will cheat on his wife and leave her when she’s going through chemo. It’s as simple as, she’s not doing what I want right now, so I am justified in going after whatever I want instead.

They could choose to be a team and build a life that prioritizes their entire family and works for both people but it’s easier to just leave. [/quote]

Truth. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics