Reply to How to communicate to parents about reason of estrangement so they can stop the “we have no idea”?

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Reply to "How to communicate to parents about reason of estrangement so they can stop the “we have no idea”?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s easier to weep over having “no idea” than to do the work to do better. They also get more sympathy from other “no idea” parents/families. [/quote]

+1.  It sounds like they couldn't even handle your negative feelings about things that have nothing to do with them, like work.  There's no way they can handle accepting that they did something wrong to you.  People who can't take accountability are the weakest people in the world.  They may put on a tough front and deflect everything back to you, but they are the emotional equivalent of toddlers.  Stop trying to make them react the way you want them to.  They aren't capable.  You're welcome to stay away from them if that's what you need.  You owe them nothing.[/quote]

Emotionally your parents are stunted. They don’t have the capacity to regulate through difficult emotions. They never learned and now there is no way they can after decades of avoiding and dismissing their own and everyone else’s emotions…

It’s not emotionally healthy to grow up in a house where people do harmful things and have no capacity for self reflection or repair. You need to parent yourself through. Your parents were not able to do it and they will never be able to do it. There is never going to be repair and they will never be able to admit wrongdoing. You deserved parents that could give that to you. You also can’t control their reactions. They will frame the estrangement in whatever way is emotionally safe and easy for them and since they have no capacity for introspection it will be that they don’t know.
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