Reply to How to communicate to parents about reason of estrangement so they can stop the “we have no idea”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In the example provided, why not just accept that they are emotionally limited and cant support you in this way? FWIW I have not leaned on my parents for emotional support since my early 20s, so I am having trouble understanding why you can’t have a relationship with them otherwise. I do not mean to be mean. On the contrary, I see two scenarios, one in which you accept your parents and one in which you shut them out. In both scenarios you get zero emotional support from them, but in the former you can at least engage with them, do holidays, etc.

Have you worked with a therapist on this?[/quote]

I can’t have a relationship with them because the way they talk to me makes me feel invisible, or “feel like shit” or honestly at times want to kill myself.  They don’t want me have any feelings they disapprove all at the same time act very caring in front of others and act like the most loving and supportive parents in the world.  I’ve seen peers who have much healthier relationships with their parents and I crave that.  I can’t stand the fakes.  I’d talk to them even if they just say “we are wired differently and we can’t change”, but no, they act so righteous and would rather lose me than to try to talk.  And no, it’s like what the boomer warriors on here claim (that I must am needy all the time so they grey rocked me), no, they have ZERO feelings, they are but grey rocking me, if they are, that means they’ve been grey rocking me since i was 2?   Really, a healthy parent would do that?   [/quote]

I think with professional help you can work through a lot of these hard feelings and then revisit the parental relationship. I wish you the best. Please don’t harm yourself, there are resources available for you.[/quote]

I won’t harm myself, I have good people around me now.  But now I know why my brother killed himself 15 years ago and why my parents think it had nothing to do with them.  [/quote]

What mental disorders did he have?[/quote]

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