Reply to 19 year gap - Will everything be okay?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP: We’ve only been dating a year and a half. I came here to hear both the good and the bad of a long term big age difference marriage to help me think things through as he was ready before I was in thinking about next steps, not because any decision about the future is imminent, I’m in no rush.

I’ve read everything and I hear the concerns. I very much appreciate the wisdom & knowledge of many of the older women here who’ve shared their experiences. Right now, we’re just enjoying each other’s company and thinking far into the future—not making decisions under pressure. Whatever decision (at minimum a year from now) I ultimately make for me and my future kids, I’ll be sure to own.

I misspoke earlier about the prenup, — he’s promised me money from his assets in the trust, not just the prenup. The prenup he’s promised is actually more generous than a typical marital equality split. [b]But, I’m also working on building my own career and don’t plan on relying on a spouse in the future.[/b][/quote] 
The fact that you don't get that any Cree can be challenged and the person with the greater resources will win that challenge just by dragging it out and bleeding you dry tells me that your head is just not in the game. You're a very young and naive 27, definitely not mature for your age, being manipulated by a man who is light years ahead of you.

As far as the part in bold goes, if you don't plan it, then you think it won't happen? Most women who end up depending on a man did not think it would happen to them. Women like you don't take seriously that pregnancy, childbirth, and child rearing are inherently unequal regardless of how you "plan" for parity.

If you plan to be a mother, then you're one pregnancy injury, birth injury, postpartum depression turned longterm depression, postpartum anxiety turned longterm anxiety, puerperal psychosis, high needs baby, special needs kid, inadequate maternity leave, inadequate sick days etc. away from depending on a man. YOU are taking all the physical, psychological, and financial risk of pregnancy in the context of a society that will begin to devalue your contributions and slot you into less prestigious positions regardless of your ambition as soon as you are pregnant. That's your reality whether or not you like it.

No man has to deal with any of that. A man can say he has no plans to depend on a woman and the odds of that happening are almost completely under his control. That is not the case for you as a woman. The fact that you don't seem to understand that you're about to undertake a process that literally comes down to dumb luck no matter how healthy and fit you think you are is chilling. If your boyfriend had your best interests at heart, he would be looking at the fact that you're at the beginning of your career and he would not be planning to have a baby by you as soon as possible. That man is thinking only of himself and your arrogance is making it very easy for him to manipulate you.

You're about to learn a much-needed life lesson in the next few years. You probably figure you'll come out richer for it no matter what, but all of that will depend on who he is when you divorce him...which is VERY different from who he is right now when he's trying to entrap you.

Once again, I ask, where is your mother? Do you have anyone older and trustworthy who gives you frank advice you'll actually listen to? I can't imagine letting my daughter walk into such a stupid and obvious life mistake.

If an older man with $26 million to blow through wanted my daughter and she could stomach his droopy balls, I would walk her through how to siphon off as much as possible while staying on three kinds of birth control. He'd never get to her down with a marriage or his next set of unfathered kids. [/quote]

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