Reply to Is there any expectation on a family member who stays “postpartum”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Pretty blown away by this thread. I’m a Mom of two teen boys. Not yet a MIL.  I had kids when I was older 37 and 40 so perhaps I’m a different generation than many of these mom posters. But NEVER once did it occur to me to have my Mom or MIL visit so they could help me with cooking or cleaning when my kids were born. I was happy to have them visit, hold the baby while I napped, take pictures and enjoy their visit. If I needed the house cleaned we hired cleaners. If I needed laundry done my DH and I switched off. If we were too tired to cook we had sandwiches or take out or prepared meals from the grocery store. Really not that complicated. My mother is not a nanny or a maid. WTF people. Don’t have kids if you can’t handle taking care of them on your own or if you can’t afford help. Stop assuming your mother will be dying to be your nanny one day. I adore my teens but I can tell you right now I will have little interest in being  their nanny  or housekeeper when/ if I’m lucky enough to be around when they have kids. [/quote]

Why did you pay for help? Don't have kids if you cannot do everything by yourself. It's crazy how you found help because the first few weeks are tough, yet you lack empathy for other new moms who need help.

We are not talking about the MIL being a long term nanny. We are talking about the first couple of weeks. Don't visit people in their time of need if you don't intend to help.[/quote]

How do you get through life being so dysfunctional? Your husband is supposed to help. What's he so busy doing? It really doesn't take two able bodied adults to look after and watch a newborn sleep the first few weeks. Your DH needs to pick up the slack, not his mom.[/quote]

Sweetheart, not only did I have my DH on paternity leave for 2 months, I had hired help too. And guess what? When my mom and sister cane to visit, they were helping with bottles,  dishes and cooking. I was breastfeeding,  pumping, and bathing my baby, and that's it.

But the difference between you and me is that I have empathy. I can see how the OP's DH could  be at work thinking his wife was in good hands because his mom was there. I can see how a woman without the means to hire help would need some extra hands because she was tired after waking up every 2 hours to feed the baby. A new mother needs all the rest she can get.

And my MIL would never be that heartless. She visited us every Sunday and would be in the kitchen trying to help out as much as she could. She couldn't help much because she was recovering from a health crisis. But she offered, and we told her not to worry.[/quote]

Babe, you sound like a trainwreck princess.[/quote]

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