Reply to Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can’t believe how petty 99 percent of these posters are. Here’s an idea. Call your MIL. Let her know her comments hurt. Find out what’s going on from her perspective  See if you can work it out after hearing each other out. If not, then politely let her know you think it’s best you take a break from hosting this year. All of these shrill comments about immediately canceling because of one bad conversation sound so petty and ridiculous to me.[b] Like do these posters have any close relationships with anyone? [/b] [/quote]

Actually I assume that most of us do.  We are all functioning adults, though, so we know that making a statement like “I have never felt welcome in your home” is the confrontational, nuclear option.

My parents and ILs can be annoying frequently, but none of them would ever say such a thing.

It sounds to be like some of you are from awful families and should probably pursue some therapy in the new year:[/quote]

You consider that statement going nuclear?  Seriously?  So outrageous that’s it’s worth cutting family members off at a holiday meant to share love and forgiveness? Sounds like you need to chill out and grow a pair. Therapy would also do you some good. [/quote]

Yes.  Telling someone that you have never felt welcome in their home leaves that person with three options: 
1. Ignore you
2. Increase attempts to placate you 
3. Agree with you that you are not (or are no longer) welcome in their home

MIL put it out there.  It’s her problem if she doesn’t like OP’s response.  (I’m sure she was angling for response 2, but unfortunately for her DIL is not a doormat like so many posters in this thread seem to be)[/quote]

I agree that the MIL was looking for a confrontation or just wanted to hurt the OP's husband. 
Saying something like that - I have to wonder what was her goal? Because it seems petulant and childish.

OP has every right to have a quiet holiday and enjoy it with people who will reciprocate the good feelings. Hosting people who harbor resentment is not something that should become a family tradition.[/quote]

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