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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP. Unlike some others, I’m not here to judge you or your son. We are all affected by the reports that certain schools can help set you up for life, due to reputation, connections, etc. I don’t fault anyone in your family for making the decision. I also am horrified at PPs who assume that you can, of course, be full pay if you want. I wouldn’t think it would need to be explained to people that it’s possible that every spare cent you have goes into the $72K you provide. Also, if your child had needed to borrow the same amount to attend any college at all because you couldn’t afford to contribute anything, I doubt people would be as judgmental.

I’m sorry he’s blaming you. As some have already pointed out, the social inequalities at some of these schools is pretty shocking. He may just need a little more time and perspective. You could calmly discuss the fact that your family, INCLUDING HIM, thought that having him at that school was worth the debt. When all is said and done he will graduate from that school, just as much wealthier and poorer students. How much is that worth to him?  If he is changing his mind about that, that’s a discussion you can have as a family about the option to transfer. I wouldn’t say it as if it a punishment, or a command. Just a perfectly respectable and understandable option if he’s reconsidering the value. (You have nothing to apologize for in terms of the amount of money you are providing. It is exceedingly generous, even if people on this board have lost perspective.)

We all live and learn. If it helps, I know of a kid whose parents are paying the full freight at a VERY expensive school across the country and the kid is also complaining that he can’t keep up socially with his super wealthy friends. It is the problem with comparing ourselves and being surrounded by wealthier people. One day, your son may look back and be horrified that he said that to you.

FWIW, my kid goes to a state school and won’t have debt, so I’m not defensive about or defending OP’s situation based on my experience. But I can understand and I know it’s not always as simple as blaming ourselves, blaming our kids, or ordering them to transfer. [/quote]

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