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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She’s just not that into you. You are probably annoying, giving off the vibe of “I’m busier than you, my husband is more successful, my kids smarter and better looking and talented”. Or maybe your politics are rubbing her the wrong way. There are a million ways to annoy other people. Better to just move on. [/quote]

I absolutely do not give off the I’m better than you vibe. I do have three easy children. At the last gathering with the other friend trying to get together, our friend’s three children were violently upset. The kids are always fighting and upset. At the last school event, she was there with our three children. My kids were having a great time. I sat with friend. Her kids were fighting the entire time. They were not fighting with my kids.

We have been family friends since preschool. Our kids went to the same preschool and now attend the same elementary school.[/quote]

You’re giving off the “I’m better than you” vibe right now. Maybe she has friends whose kids fight and would rather spend time with them.

Clearly there’s something about her that you like, since you care so much about how she spends her time.[/quote]

She likes feeling superior to this other struggling mom.  Sad.[/quote]

Omg that is so not true. She is probably my favorite local friend.

We have gone on outings and on vacation with the other friend. Other friend and my kids are easy. Both mutual friend and I adore our friend. On mutual friend’s birthday last year, we did a moms dinner and the entire time, friend seemed stressed because her husband was having a hard time at home with their kids. I realized then it is very hard for her to come out alone without kids.

Friend has tried signing up activities with my kids. I have seen friend in parking lot with kid refusing to come in. Friend has told me her kids hate school and don’t want to do any activities or sports.

Her husband told my husband after last vacation that we should try to travel without kids next time.[/quote]

Then it seems obvious why she doesn’t have “time” for this…she doesn’t want to leave her DH alone with the difficult kids.  Maybe he loses his temper and she is their shield.  There is some dynamic at play that makes this very difficult for her and you are not being very understanding about that.[/quote]

Yes, she has shared that the husband has a short temper with the kids and probably her too. He gets annoyed often. My friend has both a husband and children problem.[/quote]

So you know this and are still accusing her of “blowing you off”? Wtf.  Have a heart.  Her problems are real and not about you and your friendship.

If you want to help her, go watch her kids at her place and send her to a quiet spa afternoon to give her a break.  Given she is your favorite friend and all.[/quote]

We have done spa days in years past. I have offered to host kids. Last time she came, one of her kids was having a difficult time because he felt left out. There were several kids over and the kid was sitting on the side alone. Kid was upset because his brother was included in said activity and not him. I walked him over and he clung to mom.

My husband’s birthday is coming up. I don’t know if we should even invite them. I’m almost certain the husband will come and it will remind me how the friend said she is unavailable for the rest of the year.

My husband does not base his friendships around family or our children so his close friends do not include this family.

At the end of the day, our kids are going in different directions. I’m not going to use my husband to hang out with her. She can reach out in the new year if she wants.[/quote]

I did not say that you should go on a spa day with her, I suggested you go to her house (where kids are most comfortable) and watch the kids while sending her to a spa.  If you really want to help this favorite friend.

Obviously you don’t want to help her and don’t like her kids at all.  You don’t even want to invite them to your HUSBAND’S birthday party now.  Just wow. [/quote]

That is not what I said. DH said he does not want a party. He wants to have a family dinner and will likely go out with his close friends, which does not include this dad.

If I asked and wanted, I could very easily make an adult only dinner and include this couple. I’m not doing that just to hang out with this friend. DH would not invite this dad to an outing with just his close friends. [/quote]

Oh OP, you are beyond salvation.

Leave this poor woman off your invite list if you want.[/quote]

We will probably have a big holiday party and I will invite their family.

Between work friends and colleagues and my kids’ friends’ parents, we have a lot of “friends”. Most of these friends are DH’s friends’ wives and my kids’ friends’ parents or coworker friends. My kids have a lot of friends are we are always at dance or sports and I have to associate with a ton of parents.

This friend and this friend group are the people I consider my true friends in this area. [/quote]

OP you are coming on as a bit intense in this thread, but I generally get where you are coming from.  I have lots of so-called "mom friends" and people I *have* to associate with and make nice with.  I also have a small circle of friends that I consider "true" friends, and they are very important and precious to me.  If I felt like the circle was starting to break up or fade, I'd be sad too -- and probably over-thinking and hand-wringing a bit to.

I think you're right that she is indicating to the group that she might be letting this circle go for her.  Probably for a variety of reasons you've hit on.  You like her, so it's ok to feel sad or bummed about that.  Again, I get it.  But this is life.  Lucky, lucky you if you have made it to middle age and never had a friendship fade or lost before!

I'd reach out the next few times - like in early 2026 -- that you guys are trying to plan something to test the waters, but not push much more than that.

[/quote]

I definitely feel bad.

We went on vacation with them this summer. We went on a few outings with the other friends right before school started. I literally sat with them at the last school event.

I do not think anything bad happened between my friend and me. The adults had a good time when we had adult time, when kids were sleeping or watching an evening movie. Her kids are always miserable. I would say it is the dynamic with my kids but they are fighting amongst themselves, not with my children. My kids try to include them in activities.

It is just a stark difference when someone hangs out with you on a weekly basis for years and then says to your friends that they are not available for all of 2025.[/quote]

Maybe she's sick of you looking down on her and her kids.

But that was so nice of you to LITERALLY sit with her at the last school event. You're such a saint for putting up with this woman and her wretched children for as long as you have.[/quote]

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