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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your DH moved out. You were separated. You thought you had the upper hand, esp re: your child, but he is moving forward legally. It is what it is. You were not blindsided.

Reach out to your network and focus on establishing your career in new city. What is your field? How recently have you been working?

It is scary and a big change but focus on what you can control. Talk to a few lawyer and kind of surrender to the process. All the good things about child are still true. It sounds like you may be able to stay in same house or school district? [/quote]

I never thought I had the upper hand.

I was making it easy for him to spend time in the house and with our child.

I thought I was giving him space to recover from a mental breakdown and regroup. Obviously I was naive and I am having regrets, but I can only go forward. The scolding and Monday morning quarterbacking is probably satisfying for PPs but is not helpful for me. Thank you.

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AMEN. I had a similar situation. My husband basically had a nervous breakdown and left. He ended up coming back, but I could’ve just as easily ended it in a divorce. With mental illness, there’s no way to know which way this will go, so I can totally understand how you are blindsided. 
Honestly, you are probably better off as I am still in the midst of living with someone with depression and occasional alcohol issues. I walk on eggshells and suspect borderline personality disorder but it’s too complicated to leave - and after the year we had, it makes more sense for my kids to stay and give them stability (and he has been very stable as of late). 
I would definitely do a consult with a lawyer. It sounds like you have money; spent it on a GOOD lawyer, a shark. Don’t skimp on that. Sending you guys and prayers - mental illness in a marriage is so hard and I get where you are coming from. [/quote]

Thank you so much. I have a not-close acquaintance who runs with a corporate titan/private jet crowd so I swallowed any pride I had, told her the whole story, and said please talk to anyone you know who would know the right attorney for this situation.

I’m sorry about your DH and I’m sure it is really hard. Mine doesn’t drink much that I know of but is abusing adderall. It leads to scary angry jags on top of the imbalances he already has.[/quote]

Thank you. The lesson I learned was to protect myself. I used to think my marriage was rock solid, but I didn’t understand mental illness. My husband agreed to anti depressants a few years ago but came off of them about 18 months ago and then our world blew up- and he doesn’t see the correlation and refuses to go back on them. So we will tread through this, but I won’t be blindsided again - his leaving at all caught me so completely off guard. [/quote]

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