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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our youngest just returned home from sleepaway camp. Something was off immediately. She’s been there for years, it’s a very reputable all-girls camp and we have only heard positive. However this year, she came home and was in tears over whether or not we were called by the director, and if I heard “what happened,” and worried about whether she and her friends will be allowed to come back. We did not hear a peep from camp staff.

The most I can make sense of is that a girl left early due to some pretty serious bullying, and my daughter definitely seems less than innocent in it all and now quite remorseful. She claims she was mostly a bystander, [b]but the few things she’s shared are horrible (a long time friends of hers telling the girl that she should go kill herself, telling her she shouldn’t eat because she is fat just to mess with her because she wasn’t fat at all, and the list goes on).[/b] What can I do to get her talking to someone and make sure she can take the steps necessary to learn from this and hopefully repair with who she hurt? Is there a therapist that specializes in this? Should the camp have told us if a girl was bullied so bad she had to go home especially if my kid was bullying? I’m wondering if we even bother sending her back. I’m honestly so ashamed and embarrassed. [/quote]

I’m sorry you are having to navigate this, OP.  I’m wishing you and DD peace and as good an outcome as possible for all here.

To every other parent out there:  the part in bold?  It is commonplace on your children’s social media.  What the OP described?  It should not shock you; it’s what kids do to each other now, because they have access to social.

It is far easier to say to another child “you should kill yourself,” when it is not face to face.  Use Snapchat, and you are unlikely to get caught. Yes, I fully realize in OP’s case it likely was said to her face-to-face.  But,

- kids are learning this through social media use.   It is not like it was when you were a teen / tween.[/quote]

I’m pretty sure we all know that. What is your point?

[/quote]

OP circling back. Actually no, I did not know that. I had no idea that it is common for kids to tell each other to kill themselves. I am obviously embarking on a huge overhaul of social media and cell phone usage. I think my husband and I are recognizing we have been incredibly naive and too hands off in the connections our child is making. She is definitely not going back. And I am heartbroken for this girl who got targeted, who from what I am now finding out, was from what it sounds like a perfectly kind and sweet new kid to camp at an age where most kids are not new to camp. My daughter said that it was so bad the camp tried moving the girl to a different bunk a week in, but that the girl left the next day anyways. This camp NEVER changes bunks so I am guessing without even hearing back yet from director that it was bad. Currently making my daughter come up with an apology letter, and waiting to decide how forthcoming to be with the camp. [/quote]

It’s not common at all for a girl to tell another girl to go kill herself.  It happens but it’s not common.  It’s usually much milder than that.   That’s a vicious girl your daughter is friends with.

It sounds like your daughter came back worried about herself and felt nothing for the girl who was bullied.

Hopefully you can work on empathy with her.  A lot of parents don’t think to talk about bullying to their teens and that’s a problem.   It has to start early on and repetitive.   It’s not too late.

My daughter starting in elementary school was a clothes horse.  I always reminded her that most kids don’t care what they wear and it’s not a big deal. If someone wears the same Jeans everyday that’s their choice.  In high school it was noted by a few teachers who said that she stood up to kids who were making fun of another kid.  Boy or girl it didn’t matter she would tell them to stop and they did.

There’s hope for your daughter, just talk about it frequently.  Why did she think her friend was such a mean person?  What were you thinking when,the new girl was obviously upset.  What did you get out of bullying?   [/quote]

It is EXTREMELY common for kids to tell other kids to kill themselves through social media (especially SnapChat).

So common.[/quote]

Correct. The term is "KYS".[/quote]

This is so disturbing it’s worth an S/O[/quote]

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