Reply to NYT: "The Trouble with Men"

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "NYT: "The Trouble with Men""

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Often its the case of too many choices and too high expectations lead to waste of too much time and in too much desperation women settle for who ever says yes before fertility window closes otherwise keep dating until a divorced dad comes along.[/quote]

I'm a shorter, single 39 year old man with a pretty wide friend group.  The same single women that didn't pay any attention to me 10 years ago are now showing interest in me.  It seems like they're trying to lock down somebody "good enough" before their fertility window closes.  I'm not falling into that trap. I'd rather be single and live on my own terms.[/quote]

It bears repeating that women can get men to sleep with them but not commit to them.  The men who are passed over while the women are passed around understands that women are marking him as a second choice.  No man wants to be considered a second choice, so they exit the market when they grasp this reality.  For attractive women, there is always another man to be had.  For most women, however, they are not attractive enough in their mid-30s to get men to overlook the years of riding the carousel.

The dynamic still holds that women gatekeep sex and men gatekeep relationships.  If women want relationships, they have to stop chasing sex and they have to lower their standards to their relationship-match, which is much different than their sex-match.  For reasonable evolutionary reasons, I don't expect it to happen, so the status quo will prevail.  
[/quote]

As women gain economic power, they no longer need to settle for sexually unattractive partners just to have kids. Marriage is hard, living with someone you don’t desire, enduring sex every week, birthing kids with him. Are you f…g joking ? Do you yourself want to sleep with a woman you don’t desire just to have a “family”? Most marriages are unhappy for that very reason -people “settling”.

Most women would rather stay single or have kids on their own. [/quote]

No, they don't need to settle if they want to have sex.  They need to settle if they want to have children in wedlock.

Marriage is great so long as husband and wife are on the same page, especially if that page is traditional. [/quote]

And then, he decides he needs a younger model and the current wife should gracefully withdraw into genteel poverty. [/quote]
+1
There is no point in settling. [/quote]

It is mentally difficult to try to marry someone that you aren’t all that interested in. You’re expected to have sex with that man for decades, and eventually you will run out of steam pretending you like it and end up with some messed up dead bedroom marriage. I’ll pass. [/quote]
Agreed. I wonder about the people who tell others to settle. Did they settle? Are they happy? Did their partner settle for them? Do they not believe that real love and compatibility is possible? Do they believe having a home and children with a subpar man/partner is "worth" being unhappy for? Idk. [/quote]

"Do they believe having a home and children with a subpar man/partner is "worth" being unhappy for?"

You almost never see a truly mismatched couple, in the wild, where she clearly settled and he is "subpar". It just doesn't shake out that way because in real life, a woman who truly "can do better" [i]will [/i]do better because a better man will approach her. Women who conclude "they settled" are just fantasizing about a choice they never actually had, where they married some imaginary superstar rather than one of the men who was actually in her social orbit. (The male equivalent of this is his fantasy where he coulda shoulda married a supermodel but "settled" for the woman he met at the office.)

But anyway. Let's say you don't settle. You marry your soulmate, you are passionately attracted to him. Is it guaranteed that you will never get annoyed with him, lose interest in him, find sex with him tiresome, and end up in a dead bedroom marriage? No. We see this in DCUM Relationships all the time. (And of course, that's when you mentally rewrite the entire marriage and decide that you settled.)

Now let's say you settled. He's not a superstar, he's just OK. We could question whether you realistically had any better options when you settled, but whatever. Things with him aren't great, but you have fantastic children who love you. Is that a fate worse than death or something? Would you really prefer to restart your life from the save point before you got married, and not have your children on the replay? OK you got bored and divorced him. But that also happens to plenty of women who married their "soulmates".[/quote]

Or you have those fantastic kids who love you on your own and don’t risk losing them 50% of the time when you get bored and divorced. Not seeing the benefit of settling in your story? [/quote]

The benefit of "settling" is you have fantastic kids. This is better than not getting married and not having kids. The 50% risk of "bored and get divorced" happens whether or not you settle.[/quote]

Do you have fantastic kids? If you have them with some mentally ill alcoholic who beats you? You don't think genetics play some part? You don't think environment growing up play some part?

Objectively it's better not to settle and do it on your own how you want than settle for a sh*t stain dead beat. The optimum is always going to be two healthy happy parents, but that is rarer and rarer these days. [/quote]

Thanks for the dishonest response. I did not argue that anyone should settle for a mentally ill alcoholic who beats you or a "sh*t stain dead beat". [b]Men who aren't those things are not at all rare in the DCUM demographic (college educated professionals)[/b]. If you can't be happy "settling" for a college educated man with a job, that's on you.[/quote]
How old are you? How long have you been on dcum? It's extremely common, even among college educated professionals. You think blue collar men are the only ones who drink or beat their wives? You are very out of touch. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics