Reply to If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.

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Reply to "If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You contradicted yourself here. You said "grow up!" is not good advice, but then you admitted for years you were passive aggressive! Do you know how childish, immature, and damaging passive aggressive behavior is in a marriage??? (Well obviously you do,  you lived it).

Look, it sounds like you and your wife both had some growing up to do it, and did it. I'm in awe of that - really - my husband and I are just figuring that out now and it too YEARS of pain to uncover it all. So really, I admire both of you. But you've hit the nail on the head. It is about growing up, expressing your needs clearly, realizing the other person has their own set of issues that have nothing to do with you and everything to do with you, and vice versa. Sex in a long term relationship is so not just about sex. It is SO much more than high desire low desire.[/quote]

Not really a contradiction, but perhaps I didn't express myself clearly. Wanting sex in the relationship isn't immature or childish. Sex isn't a frivolous, disposable part of marriage. I agree that being passive-aggressive about wanting sex is childish. My upbringing was probably typical in that the topic was not something one was encouraged to discuss openly. So that carried over to marriage, creating an inhibition against discussing it openly. And you're right, it was something I just had to get over.

For what it's worth, the passive-aggressive resentment phase didn't last for years. Maybe 6 months to a year. For the longest time, I just wrote off our limited sex life to the challenges of childbirth and raising little kids. Maybe I'm slow, but it was probably when the kids were both in school full time that I no longer felt like that was the whole story. [/quote]

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