Reply to Eye-opening new study on the harms of divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think what some of the smug posters don’t want to admit is a lot of what is referenced in the article doesn’t apply to your average dcum-er. I am one of the posters who was left and my child and I were able to stay in the family home. We worked out a financial agreement such that nothing in my child’s life has changed, aside from seeing his dad less (I am not discounting this, of course this matters, and I feel bad about it all the time -hope you’re happy op, you smug smug little so and so) he still is doing the same activities and still has the same level of family involvement with me going to everything (book fair, games and practices), along with involved grandparents.

I’m going to be honest, I don’t think my kid is going to have a worse outcome than the kid his age up the street who has two married parents. I guess the other mom might look at me and inwardly feel smug because she’s got a big ring on her finger and I don’t but my kid is doing fine! [/quote]

Nothing changed, aside from seeing dad left? Such a typical Divorce is No Big Deal response.

-Having to shuttle between two households
-Having to say no to friends because “I can’t, it’s my dad’s weekend,” blah blah
-Awkwardness with holidays, graduations, weddings, visits and vacations now and in the future
-Not having a healthy marriage as a model growing up, leading to potentially problematic relationships in the future

And, according to this study, some very serious increased likelihood of significant hurdles in the future. You don’t have to like it, but it is a big deal.[/quote]

Again, the article mainly talked about worse outcomes due to poverty. Most people posting on dcum aren’t in poverty so they aren’t dealing with that aspect of it. Try to look within yourself and figure out why you need to crap on single moms and why you so badly need to feel superior. It’s a really bad look. My kid is fine, are yours?[/quote]

Not everything is about money. Parents are also shown to work more following a divorce, and due to remarriage, time is further split with blended families. But OK, divorce only affects finances. OK, whatever you say![/quote]

Serious question, what would you like me to do? Shall I pack my kid into the car and head over to his apartment and beg him in front of his girlfriend to “come home” and be a family again? Or maybe I should remain positive and try to provide the best upbringing I can. [/quote]

Hi, it’s me, an adult product if divorce. We’d simply like acknowledgement that it is painful instead of being told how resilient we are and how great it is to have two bedrooms and two Christmases.

And I think peers should stop lying to peers. I’ve seen just 2-3 DCUM posters actually be fully honest about the hardships and regret. Everyone else is quick to chirp “divorce” as a magic solution.[/quote]

Please get therapy. I have never, ever told my kid how resilient he is or how great it is to have two bedrooms or two christmases. If they express sadness about not having dad at home anymore I validate those feelings. But this isn't actually about the kids, this is about the smug marrieds feeling better about themselves. [/quote]

DP here. Adult product of divorce. And I’m an adult and have fully dealt with my childhood. Don’t brush off the divorce like it’s nothing. It leaves scars. Nothing your kid can’t handle but he is having to handle it. Respect that.[/quote]

I have never brushed it off like it’s nothing. Please get therapy, or maybe unpack your issues with your own parents. I’m doing the best I can do for my kid.  [/quote]

I don’t need therapy and I don’t have any issues to unpack. That was all done a long time ago. PPs, including you, don’t like to hear that divorce does damage. It does and that’s how it is. But, it’s all on a sliding scale. It’s likely that staying in the marriage would cause more damage. While a childhood might be fractured, happier single parents may be a better option than living in a war zone. I’m sure you are doing the best you can for your kid.[/quote]

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