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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You're very kind, OP, and I am certain your son is an upright, gentlemanly person, but if you invited me to meet me and my daughter, it wouldn't make me change my mind about my kids dating in high school. I'd rather they didn't seriously date. They can be friends, go to a chaperoned dance, but I will be picking up my daughter promptly afterward, and limiting (but not forbidding) daytime, public outings for them.

The reason I don't forbid get-togethers entirely is that it's good for my kids to socialize in a supervised, safe setting before going to college. They are very aware of the dangers of alcoholized parties, potential for assault, drinking and driving, etc.

I hope you can understand that other cultures are far more conservative with their children than a certain portion of America. This family might be even more conservative. I know plenty of them. So if you get this girl's permission to broach this with her parents, go into it with the intent of understanding their boundaries, not with the intent of changing their minds.

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Honesty unless your daughter is good looking and [b]popular[/b] you don’t have much to worry about in terms of “alcoholized parties” or anything like that. I know from my kid that nerdy kids from conservative cultures are usually left alone [/quote]

Popular in USA does not mean a kid who is well-liked in the whole school for their friendliness and kindness.  No, it is basically young teens who know how to suck a duck under the bleachers.  No. Thank. You.

I love how all these popular kids peak in HS and then realize in college that - they have student debt, their parents were waiting for them to go to college to divorce, they have to pay rent if God forbid they come back home, and their major does not get them a well-paying job.

The nerdy kids from conservative cultures may also sow their wild oats in college, but even the "ho" from any of these conservative cultures will at least get into med/dental school, intern in the summers,  go abroad for vacation or a semester, and they will not be flipping burgers to make ends meet because their parents refuse to fund them.  Why? Because the parental conditioning is so strong that they will not jeopardize their academic and professional success - even if at times they are isolated or sad.  Why?  Maybe it is because they do not want to be scrutinized by their parents and the various uncles and aunties.  And academic and professional success is a way for parents to understand how their kids are doing.  I have seen Indian-American kids go to therapy for some issues, but after therapy they come out being grateful that their parents did right by them.  And through all of this - they are never failure to launch.

All their angst about their parents start to fade as they graduate from college and realize that they have HUGE leg-ups over their peers in HS and college because their weddings will be paid by parents, they will get at least one new car in life (after HS, or after college), they will get the funds to get a smart wardrobe for work,  they will be allowed to stay at home without paying a dime, they may get a 'seed fund' to invest etc, etc, etc.

Majority of these Indian-American kids start walking the straight and narrow & start appreciating their parents, once they are privy to the trauma-story sharing of their dorm-mates that occurs during late-night sessions - about their upbringing, their broken families, the neglect they have suffered, their shame for their own personal history etc.

But, PP is correct. The one good thing about being nerdy kid from conservative culture is that you are left alone by the party group.  You bond with the other nerdy kids who are winning accolades in scholastic pursuits.  [/quote]

Most of the kids I know that went through this would gladly trade the car, the paid wedding and the smart wardrobe for a happy childhood free of abuse. The other side of the coin is that the control over the kids life comes with abusive enforcement means both physical and verbal dished out for almost anything from grades to perceived parental disrespect.

A lot of these kids don’t want to have anything to do with their parents. If that upbringing is so great, somehow that’s lost on those kids because they tend to raise their own children very differently. [/quote]

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