Reply to Why do we tolerate trash talking and elitism as "boys will be boys" behavior?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]People are missing the "elitism" part of OP's comment.

This isn't about close friends ribbing each other because of that time one of them mispronounced "great" as "grafe" and then it winds up becoming an inside joke that is, yes, at your friend's expense but is really more about remembering how hard that made you all laugh when it happened.

This is about kids who say stuff to other kids like "whatever, you don't even have a PS5, you're lame." Or "haha Theo is slow, so glad we can do travel soccer now and don't have to play with him." Or "your parents are broke, those shoes look like you got them out of a garbage bin." None of this is friendly roasting. It's just rude, unkind, arrogant, elitist behavior. It [I]is[/I] immaturity, but it's the kind that you have to intervene on early and often to curb them of this impulse to put others down in order to build themselves up.

It's fine for kids to make jokes and yes, sometimes they will make a joke thinking it's fine and instead they'll try to make a "grafe" style joke and instead their friend will cry because they are kids and that kid might not have realized we're all laughing together on this. That's normal.

But it is not normal and should not be acceptable for kids to put down other kids for their intelligence, looks, weight, SES level, or athletic ability. Anymore than it would be acceptable to make fun of a kid for their skin color. It's just a hard no. If your kid is making fun of a classmate for being fat or slow or dumb, your kid is being a jerk and you need to intervene and set them straight. Not send them to comedy school.[/quote]

This +1

There’s a major difference between being a jerk who puts down others to make themself feel better, and friends who take jabs at each other. To an outside observer who happens to overhear— they might *seem* the same—but it’s really not.

But also kids can and do go a bit too far and hurt someone’s feelings unintentionally.

That’s where Larlo needs to stand up for himself and say something like “hey, that’s not cool bro. Can you not make a joke like that?” Even after the fact in a one on one conversation if the joke was initially in a group setting. Not sit there and ruminate after laughing it off—no body is a mind reader.

And then the kid who said the hurtful joke needs to apologize,, make clear they didn’t mean to offend, and then make a mental note that “Making a joke about Larlo and ‘____’ is off limits”. Not get defensive and play it off as “wow Larlo, you can’t take a joke. Get over it dude.”

These are good social skills that some kids might need to be taught and/or reminded of if they aren’t super socially savvy.

[/quote]

My kid lost and shifted friend groups a lot around age 11-12. The better athletes move up at this age and you are either HS team material or still rec. Many kids quit rec sports by middle school. Not all the trash talking kids move up. My kid went from the kid hearing a lot of trash talking kids to one of the better athletes at his school. I have tried to coach him to be kind. I don’t think or hope he doesn’t say mean things to the unathletic kids. I believe he doesn’t hang out with them so much in middle school. The athletic boys start hanging out together. [/quote]

Exactly be best. Trash talk or die of embarrassment cause you are “still rec” (the horror!!!)🧟‍♂️[/quote]

Well that’s pretty sarcastic, negative, judgmental and mean.

But your comment doesn’t bother me. It smells of insecurity, which I can understand, as feeling insecure is very human. It also seems like you’re struggling with something.

All of that said, I think there’s a decent chance you think you’re a good person. I can imagine you may have friends, and you might make jokes together about these sorts of things, maybe even making fun of the kids who believe in travel vs rec. It might come across as mean to some people, but it’s human for friends to understand each others’ insecurities and rather than figure them out, try to make some amorphous group — society? Trash talking kids? Feel bad about the pressure you feel.

Not every conversation has to be done in a perfectly therapeutic way, especially amongst kids, especially when grownups can’t model the same. Also who wants to be friends with someone who’s therapeutically empathetic all the time?[/quote]
Correct it was BERY sarcastic but did you not notice that your adjective for rec had a judgmental modifier? I’m sure your attitude toward this trickles down to your kid. The rest of your post is an attempt to justify why you think that is okay.

PS I don’t think I’m nice  especially on here. I do like to call out when people post things that have blatant hypocrisy in them.

Like when you said  “still rec” and “I catch my kid being kind” consider yourself caught being unkind. And see where your biases may be passed on to your kid. Your words in your post belied your true feelings whatever you may say to your kid.[/quote]

You’re wrong - she’s an angel, just with a mild intellectual impairment.

THAT’S roasting. It IS fun! Let’s hope PP way upthread has learned social skills. Or at least the difference between a malicious chat between kids in her Dc’s class and DCUM (spoiler: she replies “it’s the same.”)[/quote]

No, I never claimed to be an angel. I also did not call children dickheads either to their face nor behind their backs.[/quote]

So you’re raising said dickheads, or doing a piss-poor job of white knighting on said dickheads’s behalf in favor of roasting here?

Please make it make sense and give me my flowers. [/quote]

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