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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]BTDT, OP. We were married 15 years with two kids. He had a massive midlife crisis. He didn’t have an affair but did a lot of other cliche things. He went from being dutiful and on all the time to not giving a crap and talking about his new needs. He was extremely angry and hostile. Basically, under stress his childhood trauma and other issues came out, and he cracked.

I agree that you need to mentally prepare for divorce. Get a lawyer and a therapist. He is no longer your partner. We wasted time with several couples therapists and though I wouldn’t have done it differently (had to feel I tried everything) it was pointless.

My theory is that he was always pretty self centered and for a short time identified his “self” with having a family/ being a husband, but when he realized it really involved un-selfing and being there for others he couldn’t hold it together. [/quote]

Wait, no affair, addiction, or abuse, but a mid-life crisis with roots in childhood trauma, and you bailed?[/quote]

The root cause ultimately doesn’t matter. If he wasn’t willing to commit to improving as a partner and father, she did the right thing.[/quote]

THIS. If your partner is doing all they can to work through it, staying may be a viable option. But if they're not willing to address their problem(s), and the result is an unsustainable dynamic, leaving is self-love. The root of the problem doesn't matter. You don't get an AH pass because you have an addiction, had a crappy childhood, survived trauma, had an affair, suffered abuse... Consideration, maybe, depending on the circumstances, but you're still required to address your issues. You can't just say "I had a crappy childhood so you'll just have to deal with it."

"This is just how I am" is a dealbreaker.[/quote]

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