Reply to Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s not a mentality, OP. It’s a disability. Educate yourself because sh***ing on people with ADHD does nothing since they already hate themselves. But by all means, revel in your superiority while your marriage falls apart. Hope “victory” feels good. [/quote]

Maybe adhd should have disclosed that more and not had kids. Or not gotten married nor had kids.

At least the current kids will be on the lookout for this and avoid it in a partner. [/quote]
I'm a DW and I did not know I had ADHD until I was in my 40s. I coped just fine until work, kids, and perimenopause made everything go off the rails. [/quote]

Nonsense.  Things can never get too difficult or overwhelming for anyone, ever.  If you were more diligent, less lazy, and not deliberately weaponizing your incompetence, your poor children wouldn’t have to suffer the indignity of being five minutes late to the trampoline park and your husband wouldn’t be humiliated in front of all the other dads (with whom he is always secretly competing) because of the cash given to a strange child rather than an instagram worthy, carefully curated gift.  You clearly just don’t care about your family.

I bet you aren’t even a navy seal - surgeon - astronaut, or even a lowly cave-diving anesthesiologist!  Because literally anyone can do literally anything if they just work hard enough.  There is absolutely no universe in which some people are more capable of some things than other people.

You lazy git.

/s[/quote]

Look. I am not winning any parent awards. I would go to Target on the way to the trampoline park and buy a lego set and a gift bag and I'd also be at least 15 minutes late (guess what so would like 5 other kids and their parents and no one would care). And I agree some people are just more capable and I don't compete with those people because I try to just be kind to myself and also I don't care as much about a lot of this stuff. I think the odds my kid will still be friends with these kids in 3-4 years are slim.

But they way you are talking just sounds like excuses for being a crap partner. Giving cash does suck -- it's a weird gift that will feel awkward for the birthday kid and his parents and your kid when it's opened (possibly in front of all the other kids). It also isn't necessary -- just be a little later and go get a gift. You don't need to plan in advance but you need to *try* a little.

It's also obvious to everyone that the issue is not this one incident but that OP's DH regularly just does not try and she picks up the slack and is exhausted. In the end this doesn't really have much to do with ADHD. It's totally fine to do less and to aim lower. It's okay to admit your limitations and live within them. What is not okay is simply giving up and abandoning your partner (who fyi has her own limitations and challenges) and then blaming your diagnosis. If you have kids with someone you are signing up for working at it. Not succeeding all the time but just putting in the effort. Asking for a bit of effort is not the same as expecting perfection and you know it.[/quote]

No, to you people it's only okay for others to lower their standards if they're still within YOUR definition of acceptable standards.[/quote]

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