Reply to H claims that I abuse him emotionally, whereas I think it is the other way around

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Reply to "H claims that I abuse him emotionally, whereas I think it is the other way around"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I haven’t read this whole thread, OP, but I read your opening entry and I have two thoughts.
1–your DH does not feel appreciated by you, so his insecurity leads him to point out his financial contribution as the “heavy lift” in the relationship. Just as *your* heavy lift is all the organizational details of the household and of your daughter’s appointments and happenings. You didn’t really say what YOU have said that leads into the “you are expendable…”comment. Does he mean financially he’d rather have you focusing on household things than monetary contributions? Or does he actually mean YOU??

2–in the example scenarios you gave, he is reacting to you as though you are someone he does not LIKE. Forget love. He is actually dripping with disdain in how he responds to you and speaks to you. (Obviously based on your summary)
But this likely didn’t come out of nowhere.
Because it also sounds like you continue to “push his buttons” to exacerbate every situation—whether you mean to or not. And you seem yo always have a very good reason for correcting him or interjecting with your opinion that contradicts his statement—but the fact is that he is not in a mindset to hear the “very good reason” because he is at a point where he feels that all hears from you is criticism, nitpicking, and contradiction to every thought or idea or opinion or action that he has. Literally. That is how he is internalizing each interaction you detailed. 
You gave a perfectly reasonable explanation for your actions and statements that frankly makes YOU sound a little gaslight-y. Like any normal person would react negatively to someone pushing their hand away from the microwave.
If he constantly feel like you are someone who acts like she thinks she knows it all—then og course he’s going to get irritated when you —yet again—tell him he doesn’t know what he’s talking about when he makes the “ITD be a good idea to get there early and meet the other parents” suggestion.
OP—you may be right about that. But if you complain that he isn’t involved in DD’s activities or household things and then he makes an attempt only to be corrected by you about how he doesn’t know anything about that….then where is the incentive for him to engage?

I think bottom line is that you are genuinely not in touch with how you have been engaging with him and this has all built up inside him until he just can’t anymore.

You need to take some ownership and just sit down with him and tell him you realized that he is perceiving your comments as criticism and you don’t want to have that kind of relationship.
He just wants you to value him and feel proud of him but to him it feels like you are always correcting him. Tell him you are going ti be more mindful if that and then start treating him like someone you value and admire.[/quote]
Why are you blaming the victim? He is gaslighting op and is clearly abusive. Likely a narcissist or a cheater.[/quote]

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