Reply to How does a judge decide custody when all the factors to be considered seem equal?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is the eeriest thread to read. It's like my life story, only written 35 years later. Everything is identical - I was never married to my daughter's mom, we parented amicably for the first two years until I met my now-wife, ex-GF filed for custody (and threatened to move out of Maryland), even the pot-smoking in the background (which was illegal then). All I wanted was to keep the 50/50 plan that we'd respected since the mid-80s - which, incidentally, was absolutely not the norm at that time.

If you want a crystal ball, here's how it worked for me, a 66-year-old dad with a grown-up 39-year-old daughter. I was lucky to find a forward-thinking attorney back in the day, and I did exactly what you are doing. DD's mom wanted sole custody, and I requested to stick with 50/50. The court case went on for 18 months, and I had zero money at the time. I had to borrow funds. In the end, the judge awarded me sole physical custody with joint legal custody.

DD's mom appealed, saying I'd never requested sole custody. The judge responded that DD's mom was the one who'd refused joint custody, while I'd been willing and happy to continue with it, so he'd had to make a decision. He went with the parent who was most willing to facilitate the relationship with the other parent.

From that time forward, from the time DD was 4 until she was 18, it was a relief. I realized it wasn't in my daughter's best interest to keep her from her mom - the judge had given DD's mom very little time in his orders - and I offered to continue with 50/50. We alternated weeks until DD graduated from high school. DD's address was with me, we shared joint legal custody, and I didn't pay child support any longer.

This was all a long time ago, but I had to weigh in because the coincidences are boggling my mind.

And now DD is 39. Her mom long ago moved out of the state, but DD lives 30 minutes from me. She has a close relationship with her mom and a close relationship with me as well. My wife and I have been happily married for 30+ years with two grown kids of our own. All three siblings are tight.

The rockiest time was DD's senior year of high school, for some reason, when she became prickly. I think it was the "soiling the nest" phenomenon before heading to college.

Please keep extremely detailed records. Be aware your ex-GF is surely recording every conversation. Continue to be balanced and accommodating, and enjoy the love and support of your fiancee. Good luck!

[/quote]

That's pretty terrible to take your child away from their mom.  Sounds like you pushed her out for your wife.[/quote]

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