Reply to How to get through to DH that doing 80% doesn't count?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you were gone for three weeks all this 20% work would get done, especially if there was a weekly housecleaner he had to prepare for.  So it’s NBD, just him working on a different timetable than you.[/quote]

Does his timetable include kids? Because that is often when a couple gets "out of sync" over household tasks-- when they have kids. Kids multiply the work while reducing the time you have to do it. So if pre-kids you often took a week to put away laundry or only put the dishes away when the housecleaner was coming so that she could deep clean the kitchen, it was NBD because the rest of the time you were working or socializing and who cares with there's some partially completed tasks around the house.

With kids the math is different. There's twice as much laundry and if you don't fold it and put it away, you're spending every morning picking through the pile of clean laundry trying to get your kids dressed for school. If you never actually finish the dishes there aren't enough dishes for a single meal featuring the entire family. You have to make lunches on the edge of the counter not covered by dishes. You can't finish that last 20% in the morning because you're helping a toddler get dressed and doing a school run. And you can't bank on doing it on Saturday morning because the kids have soccer or swim.

This is when women start getting frustrated because having kids forces women to function at a higher level-- more efficient, more multi-tasking, keeping track of more tasks and schedules. But many men expect their lives to operate exactly the same as before. They are convinced that if their approach to chores and schedules was working okay pre-kids, well it must still work. But it doesn't and this puts even more pressure on moms to over perform. This is how DH becomes another child to be managed. And that kills intimacy and breeds resentment. And then the DH wonders why his wife never wants to have sex anymore and why she always seems annoyed with him.

Kids change things but fir some reason a lot of men are determined to prove this wrong.[/quote]

Or…you can put your husband in charge of dressing the kids, making the dinner, cleaning, etc. I did this simply by getting the higher paid job and leaving the house early and coming home late. [/quote]

Result with a delinquent husband:

Late children
Pizza
Screen time
Sickly unprepared children
Homework waits for Mommy
Missed sign-ups
Unknown teachers and friend names
Lost coats, water bottles, gear, bags
Red and pink colored laundry
Piles of stuff everywhere in the house
[/quote]

Late to surgery?  That’s a big deal.  Late to Gymboree?  Who cares?

Pizza?  They’re kids!  It’s fine!

Screen time?  Wake up and live in the now, woman, kids are going to have screen time.  It’s not the end of the world.

Sickly unprepared children?  Wut?

Teach your kids to do their own homework, duh.

Missed sign-ups are indeed a problem.

Do the kids know the names of their teachers and friends?  Yes?  Great, that’s all that matters here.

Kids lose stuff, no matter how much their mommies try to micromanage their lives.  Accept this inevitability and move on.

Red and pink laundry is more likely to happen to the mommies who claim it only take 1-2 minutes to start a load of laundry.

Piles of stuff in the house?  Say it with me: WHO CARES?

Seriously, most of you would have happier marriages and happier lives if you would just unclench and treat your spouse like a partner you care about rather than an adversary to complete with.[/quote]

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