Reply to Would you consider having a revenge affair/ fling if your spouse had an affair and you decided to stay together?

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Reply to "Would you consider having a revenge affair/ fling if your spouse had an affair and you decided to stay together?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To the PP who says she cheated but she wouldn't tolerate a revenge affair, the thing is, you just never know until it happens to you, and then it depends on a lot of factors. I'm sure I would have said I would never stay after an affair, but when you have a chronic illness and two preschool aged kids, plus there's still love and your husband commits to changing, suddenly the "never" is out the window.

It seems odd to preach forgiveness for yourself but not for your spouse. I do agree that a tit for tat mentality is not healthy. [b]But if your very human husband, in his grief and shock, made the very same mistakes that you made, would you really not consider staying?[/b] [/quote]

You’re still not getting it.  I wouldn’t leave because of any one thing.  I would leave because of ALL THE THINGS.  Because there were a lot of things that happened BEFORE the emotional affair that made the marriage super broken.  If DH cheated instead of committing to the marriage it would just be the final piece of evidence that the marriage is not even salvageable.

The accepted narrative here is that people who commit adultery are self-indulgent babies who should be grateful that their angelic spouses ever look at them again and I certainly don’t think that was true in my case and I suspect it’s not true for a lot of cases.

I apologized to DH but I certainly wasn’t going to grovel.  And DH was hurt but I don’t think he was traumatized, shocked, devastated, etc.  He doesn’t wake up in a cold sweat obsessing or remind me about it.  He thought the whole thing was kind of silly and in retrospect so do I.  He’s a pretty happy person in general and was happy to rebuild the marriage.  So am I.  Reading that it seems like Esther Perel type nonsense but it’s what happened.[/quote]

I mean it sounds like you’re talking about flirting not actually having an affair. Most men don’t care about “emotional affairs.” [/quote]

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