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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I do not understand how me having another child will impact my relationship with my current kids. Nothing will change. [b]From the start I told my girlfriend that my kids are very important to me.[/b] I have had to cancel dates with her and I also do not see her as much as I want to because i value my time with my kids. The assumption that I will just give up on them is strange to me. I love my children.[/quote]

As opposed to them being….unimportant to you?

OP you feel like you’re being piled on here, but statements like above don’t lend confidence to your understanding of parenting, and frankly life choices in general. You speak of your girlfriend in this kind of lovestruck, swooney way that is really sweet and frankly enviable; many of us have been there and it’s a wonderful feeling. It is however, 100% not a feeling on which to make life-changing decisions that will impact your children. Kids are passengers in this car of life that we are driving. They get absolutely no say in where that car goes, what turns it takes, what speed bumps it goes over, when we stop for breaks, etc. Continuing my somewhat dorky analogy, suggesting that nothing would change involves putting an infant in a car seat in that car and suddenly suggesting that the ride is no different. Have you ever been on a multi-hour road trip with a crying baby? And you wanted to jump out the window? Yeah, me too. That’s what the car ends up looking like. And sure eventually the baby goes to sleep. But it’s a long ride.

I also really get the feeling that you have a “for right now“ lens on the situation. This stuff is for life, man. Blending families is impactful as a multi-generational event. I’m the poster whose second stepmom is pilfering dad‘s estate and let me tell you, it has been rough. Rest assured this is not about the money, my sibling and I are both successful, professional homeowners and we are doing just fine. But I watched my workaholic dad leave my soccer games growing up so that he could work, and that was just who he was, what he needed to do. I’ve accepted him for who he was. But I am now watching the fruits of those labors go to a woman he met 12 years ago, oh and her deadbeat son. To say that this impacts how I feel about my father and my family is an understatement.

No one is telling you that you can’t live your best life. But you need to get your head out of the sand and be realistic about what your decisions are, no matter what they are. I wish you luck. [/quote]

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