Reply to Should a deadbeat dad be invited to a college graduation?

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Reply to "Should a deadbeat dad be invited to a college graduation?"

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[quote=Anonymous]My 2 cents.

First, I understand OP's feelings.  She paid entirely for her son's college and deadbeat Dad did not contribute a penny.  She wants him to have as little recognition of the achievement of DS graduating college and he had in paying for the achievement.

That said, OP, I think you need to get a grip on your deep resentment of your son's father.  While the father made no commitment to raising your son or helping your son get through college, he is still your son's father.  Your son needs to decide whether having his father at his milestone achievement is important for his relationship moving forward.  There are many people who attend college graduations who had no financial or other support in helping the young graduate through the college years.  Grandparents, extended relatives (aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings), former teachers, family friends, personal friends (like a significant other) have all attended many graduations and had no input in helping the graduates either financially or otherwise, but still attend to congratulate the grad and celebrate their achievement.  It is pretty well known that many of the people who attend college graduations did not have a financial stake in supporting the person or people that they are congratulating.

Despite your financial and emotional support for your son over the years, you have raised your son and presumable are proud of the young man you have raise, not just for his college acumen, but also for the fine upstanding individual he has become.  This is one of those moments where you have raised him and have to let him make his decisions and hope that you have taught him well enough that he will make the decision that is right for him.  Part of that may be making sure you are happy with his decision, but ultimately, he is the one that has to decide what is right for him.  If inviting his father will help with their tumultuous relationship, then so be it.  If inviting his father will cause more trouble than help, then hopefully he will not mention it to his father.  But he has to decide what works.  This invitation or not, may impact his future relationship with his father and he will have to decide whether the potential help for a longer term relationship is worth it to him.  You will not be involved with his future relationship with his father and it is not fair for you to make such a potentially major impact on his future life as an ultimatum.

Since I know you feel strongly about this, if you can find a way to talk to your son gently and calmly, then I would suggest that you tell your son that you would rather his father not be at the graduation ceremony, but will respect his (your son's) decision however he decides.  You can voice your objection as a preference and then let your son decide.[/quote]

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