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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think I would want to tell the APs spouse, but (having not been cheated on or cheated) I hope I would be able to be level headed about factors.

1. Do they have kids— would I be ruining some kids chance at a normal childhood by telling.
2. Are they likely to be psycho? I realize this is subjective but I wouldn’t want someone showing up at my house threatening my husband (or me or my kids!).
3. Are there potential professional issues by widening knowledge of the affair— like will your husband lose his job if it’s known he slept with a subordinate.

I don’t see a reason not to tell if none of the above circumstances are in play. Unless you don’t want you own social circle knowing about the affair, because once it’s out of the bag you can’t control that. [/quote]

Re 1.- they ruined my kids- no qualms about their kids. They should have put them first and thought about them before cheating. [/quote]

If you define a “normal childhood”  as one in which a parent broke up another marriage and has affairs…..I’m glad I’m giving my kids an abnormal childhood - I’m divorced with primary custody of three kids and they get to see respect and honesty modeled. [/quote]

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