Reply to s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Finding out your spouse has autism after marriage? Lol, what? Or narcissism? Or OCD? [b]Unless you are marrying someone you have known a few months or less -- which no one should be doing anyway -- you knew about these things before you said "I do." [/b]

People don't suddenly figure out two kids into a marriage that their spouse is self-involved with no social skills. They decide they could have done better when they are two kids into the marriage (which may or may not be true -- probably not) and start labeling/diagnosing and complaining on the internet and making drama in general (because they are likely not at par either). [/quote]

Said with the arrogance of someone who does not understand how well people can "mask" for months and years while meeting, dating, in early marriage. You would be shocked if you truly realized how good at masking (both intentionally and unintentionally) mentally ill people can be. They are on their "best behavior" and that combines with the other person wanting to believe the best about them and excusing or explaining away red flags. How fortunate you are, if you either never actually had a mentally ill spouse, or you dated someone with those red flags but that person didn't cover well enough, and you got out. Not everyone is that fortunate. And before you say, it's not being fortunate, it's being smart, etc. -- again, you have not experienced a truly good "masker." [/quote]

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