Reply to This is weaponized incompetence, yes? What to do about it?

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Reply to "This is weaponized incompetence, yes? What to do about it?"

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[quote=Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I don't know where you guys get this BS about this being the fault of women's standards. My DH doesn't clean almost at all and part of the problem is HIS standards. I was like "why don't you ever vacuum?" and he said he hates it because you have to move all the furniture around and it's a pain. I was like what are you talking about, most of the time when I vacuum I just hit the high traffic areas and leave moving furniture for an occasional deep clean.

I can do a quick clean of the bathroom in like 10 minutes. It's not thorough but gets it presentable enough. If DH cleans the shower it will take him an hour. I don't criticize him if he dies this, but the reason he does it so rarely (like once every two years) is that he has this idea it's a huge undertaking.

I think part of the problem is that he cleaned so rarely when he lived alone that when he did clean, it was a lot of work because he'd let things really build up. I clean more frequently but kind of half-ass it, and it's fine I do it frequently enough that the house never gets that dirty.

The upshot is that I do all the cleaning because he is overwhelmed by it and also only cleans things if they are so filthy you can't ignore them, and I don't let the house get that dirty. In the last 5 years he's cleaned twice, once when I had Covid and once when I was on bedrest with my pregnancy for a month. And both times he complained about how hard it was even though I was too incapacitated to care what or how he did it.

It's not about women's standards being too high. It's about men being lazy and putting stuff off until it's a huge hassle, and then being touchy and irritable about it when they finally do it.[/quote]

Every situation is different. And it sounds like your husband's standards are not there - and he needs to pay for a cleaner if he can't do the bare meinimum.

But for a lot of women the bare minimum (which is what I do) is not good enough; and I hear things like he needs to clean the counter with this not that; he doens't wipe it off left to right but right to left.

Women who complain about the kids having donuts for breakfast on dad's day; or who don't vacuum the knap in the carpet the "right" way are intentionally driving themselves crazy and it has nothing to do with their husband.

I hear from all my friends - oh they won't get a vegetable; they will go to the store in their pajamas; etc. And again why is that a problem? Who is dying? Its his way to to do it? If the kids don't have rickets and are warm why does it matter.

Your husband needs to grow the f&*& up. And you should book a cleaner and use his CC - if he can't do his 50% then he can pay to have someone do it. If he wants to save money he can step up. This should not be negotiable.[/quote]

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