Reply to What is it with people given childless couples unsolicited fertility advice?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm 36 and husband is 34. We got married four years ago and still have no children because our financial situation isn't great at the moment. When people learn we're childless, they start making comments about how I shouldn't delay motherhood or at least freeze my eggs. The most infuriating things is that these people aren't even close family members or friends, they're acquaintances or some uncle/cousin I haven't seen in more than 10 years. I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.

I'm aware that at my age, I might have troubles conceiving, especially if I have undiagnosed fertility issues, but the other option is having a baby that we won't able to support, so we're willing to risk it.

Why are some people so obsessed with the fertility of a couple whose kids they're not gonna raise or financially support?[/quote]
It’s just something people say because they can’t comprehend why you don’t have children. That said, if you really want kids my advice would be to not wait for the prefect moment. We ended up spending over $100k on IVF and adoption fees.[/quote]

OP here. Nobody needs to understand anything. If you learn a person doesn't have children is not your place to start giving them fertility advice when you don't even know the reason why the person is childless. I know that IVF is expensive. I also know that if I leave children for later I might not be able to conceive at all. I literally say this in the post you're quoting.[/quote]
Oh please then don’t spend your Saturday posting about fertility![/quote]

Says the person spending their Saturday replying to me.[/quote]

We are not the ones triggered by fertility discussions. [/quote]

Seems like you were triggered enough to reply and to even give me advice.[/quote]

I’m not the one who started a thread on the topic luv. Just giving you some solicited advice. [/quote]

Not OP, but your advice wasn't solicited at all. OP never asked if she should get pregnant., SHe already knows her answer.[/quote]
[b]But she also tells people she *wants* kids at some later point in time. At 36. And so poor she still isn’t out of the hole after 4 years of marriage beginning at 32. [/b]Her desires are incongruous with reality. Or perhaps she is not being honest with herself, because she can’t actually actively want kids and be on the path she is on.

Maybe she’s so cagey because she’s not being honest with herself. She actually doesn’t want kids, and thinks saying “she’s not financially ready” is the socially (even to herself) acceptable answer. [/quote]

You seem to be living in a bubble. Most people aren't making anywhere close to a six figure income. An individual salary of less than 60K is actually average across the country. This is not a hole for most Americans, this is their reality. [b]Wanting two things at the same time, a comfortable lifestyle and children, and not being able to have them both isn't dishonesty. [/b]She already mentioned she wants kids but is willing to risk not having them, and that the only thing she wanted to know is why people are so nosy. You are the one making assumptions about OP because you seen unable to leave your bubble or to think in a way that's not black and white, which comes as both ignorant and extremely arrogant.[/quote]
It is when you’re 36, sorry, but it is. Of course there is nuance involved and not black and white. A 26 year old can honestly want the bolded, a 36 year old is if not dishonest, totally oblivious to the facts of the situation. And if she’s willing to take suc a huge risk, the honest answer would be that having kids isn’t all that important. Which, if it’s nobody’s business, she doesn’t have to tell. Who cares why people are nosy? You gotta deal with reality as it is.[/quote]

Here are the median earnings by age group according to BLS: https://www.forbes.com/advisor/business/average-salary-by-age/
It's 63,596 for those in the 35-44 age range. If OP is in the high 50s she's still within the average range statistically, so yes, you're living in a bubble. 
Now let me ask you, if you see yourself in a situation where you're both hungry and thirsty but only have enough money for either food or water, does that mean that one of them isn't important? No it simply means that you are constrained and need to make a choice, but you're unaware of this because you're in a bubble and with your head far up your a$$.[/quote]

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