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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I hear you starting to blame yourself for not screaming, please don't. He is 100% responsible. Had you had a weapon, he still would be someone capable of doing this to his wife, and the mother of his children.

If you don't want to disclose to family at this time, have a cover story as they may well notice things seem off.

Does he have a history of trauma, especially in childhood? Not an excuse but something else that may need addressing. That experience often leads to a desire to misuse power I was told by professionals. Trauma can especially come up when kids are the same age as the experience.

Had I fully understood the above, I would never have had kids with someone with significant unresolved trauma. My ex also was able to compartmentalize or mask as a great guy until the mask slipped and blew up our marriage. Anger and a desire to victimize seemed to come out of nowhere and it was like a stranger who did things that scared me and the kids and brushed it off or blamed me.

One other thought - does your husband possibly have a porn addiction? The "norms" there can have a big spillover impact if overconsumed.

I wish you safety and peace. Do reach out to a hotline for support. Listen to your body as well, it knows that something profoundly wrong happened. I wish he had responded with genuine and profound remorse when you spoke with him, that seems to be rare, unfortunately.

Be gentle with yourself. One step at a time. Hour at a time if need be. You won't have clarity for a long time yet, re: steps forward or if he could possibly ever be trusted. [/quote]

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