Reply to I hate where we live.

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "I hate where we live."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel the same, OP. I thought I'd feel more settled here in the DC area after having kids, but that hasn't panned out. It feels just as transitory and transactional as it always has--maybe even more so post-pandemic. All but one of my friends has moved away over the years. My kids' friends and classmates move away continually or change schools at the drop of a hat. It feels unstable and unfulfilling. I don't expect the same childhood experience for my kids that I had in suburbia, but it would be nice to have a middle ground--a place with a good combination of lifers and newer residents, where people view their community as their home rather than some temporary stopping point, where random encounters with the public are at least civil, where there isn't such scarcity of resources/high demand for kid-related activities that try-outs or registration requires strategic, long-term planning and ends up resembling the Hunger Games. I'm Type A and even I can no longer tolerate all of the other Type A jerks around here. I'm not even going to go down the rabbit hole of rising crime and the cost of living.

I WANT to like it here. There are so many reasons to like the DC area in theory. And I did very much like it at one point. The issues that bother me now didn't bother me as much in years past I guess. On a daily basis, it's rarely enjoyable anymore and it's becoming difficult to tolerate. But I feel somewhat stuck for a variety of reasons, including the fact that I don't like change even if I think I'd like to drop everything and move across the country. [/quote]

The transient nature of this area is a major reason I'm unhappy as well. Between that and the high cost of living, it can just be hard to feel settled here.

My DD's closest friend and her family (who we were all close to and spent a lot of time socializing with) moved away last year and it's been really hard. One thing I recently realized is that I think that experience has actually shifted how I think about other friends and meeting new people. I mentally prepare myself for anyone to leave, because they might. I know so many people who talk about it as a possibility, especially due to school issues (we live in DC and so many people struggle with MS/HS here) or cost of living. Plus now crime is a big factor.

And the more you get used to the idea that anyone around you might announce they are leaving tomorrow, the harder it is to feel invested in this area. I have felt my own desire to move mounting over the years and with these friends moving away, I think it pushed it over the edge.

Someone upthread talked about poverty being contagious and that might be true. But in DC, being transient and not really committed to a place is contagious too. Once you've said goodbye to enough friends you start to wonder what the point is in staying. [/quote]

See I feel for you but at the same time I kind of don’t. I am a lifer. My family is from here and no where else in the world. Just here. I didn’t experience all these people leaving. Sure after high school people did but growing up that wasn’t super common. There are a LOT of people that have been here our whole lives. I feel like transplants hang out with other transplants and ultimately experience this. If you branched out and met people that are from here or have lived here for decades you wouldn’t feel like this. Growing up at my church there were transplants that left later on in life for retirement but they are still connected because they aligned themselves to a community that is from here. So they always feel this is their home base. They come back and church is still here, people still live on the same street, etc. if you aren’t from here you need to find communities like this. Because I can tell you there are soooo many black, white, Hispanic, Asian[/quote]

I mean, you have lived here your whole life so you don't understand what it's like to be a transplant. Yes transplants tend to hang out with other transplants, but that's not because we don't want to hang out with lifers, it's because it's harder to start friendships with people who already have their whole family plus a bunch of friends from living here for 20+ years. I have a handful of friends who are lifers and I don't know them as well or see them as much because they already have lots of other people in their lives.

Also, a number of the DMV natives I have known over the years have moved away. My two closest friends from grad school were from DC and the close in Maryland suburbs, and they now live in NYC and Boston. It's not like transplants are the only people who move away from here. There are lots of people who grow up here, go to school here, even get married or start families here, but then move away for work or other reasons.

I'm not religious so joining a church doesn't make sense for me but I can see how that would help people find more community.

You are basically lecturing me for not being from here. Well, I can't change that. If the key to happiness in DC is "be from here" well, maybe I really should move.[/quote]

Well said. DP here. I know people who are from here who either have no long term friends, or short term superficial friends. I do find people from the DMV tend to be more superficial and judgy than other groups - less open and looking for a fight, as some of the PP's. It seems the locals are the group that needs to practice more gratitude and inclusivity. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics