Reply to Love DH but he’s low sex drive…considering a business trip affair

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP here. I am a woman in a sexless marriage and I have a friend I have sex with every month or two. Its no grand love affair, there’s no desire to use each other as an escape plan, we are just two people who want to get laid and unfortunately our spouses aren’t interested/able.

Go for it. Just make sure you keep your wits about you. Don’t try and twist it in your mind into something it isn’t. Especially if you get along well in and out of the bedroom. Don’t lose sight of why you are doing this: to get laid while maintaining your marriage. Not to replace your marriage. [/quote]

Agree 100%. But I would add one extra small step, [b]take 6 seconds to "declare the marriage open" that way you are not cheating[/b], have zero moral dilemma, and don't need to sneak around / lie.[/quote]

DP. You have zero understanding of "opening" a marriage. It is not an actual, official open marriage if ONE person "declares" it open. This is not a unilateral decison that one spouse gets to make, solo. Simply "taking 6 seconds to declare the marriage open" is cheating, period. Open marriage is a mutually discussed, mutually agreed upon, clear decision. Not one half of a couple saying "I declare this marriage open, meaning, I'll sleep with anyone I want."

You and many others on DCUM seem to think that people like OP can say, "I"m unhappy so I declare the marriage open." Nope. If the other spouse disagrees, or ven just waffles and is unsure and therefore not on board clearly -- it's cheating. Not an open marriage.

But OP came here hoping for strangers to validate the hell out of her wanting to cheat, and she's gotten just that, so I suspect she'll go screw Mr. Take-Me-Now and blithely think she is still in an "excellent" marriage. She's great at self-deception. And yes, he drinks too much, but her instinct is to get laid rather than to push someone she supposedly loves to get help for his addiction. She's about sex, not love. And she got all the validation she could want from the sex-over-love crowd here. [/quote]

Surely we agree that one spouse is free to "unilaterally" decide to become low drive / sexless? I mean, any other view would remove the need for consent (ie, advocating rape)!
Clearly then it IS allowed within a marriage for one spouse to make unilateral decisions about sex which affect the other spouse without needing their agreement.
The abnormal sexless spouse has no valid grounds to object: since sex is unimportant, no big deal when she goes and does that unimportant thing elsewhere.
By making this declaration, there is no need to lie / sneak around, and most certainly an open marriage is not cheating.[/quote]

No, we surely do not agree.

If one spouse doesn't want sex and the other does, they either agree  together, like adults, to open the marriage or they divorce.

You're working very hard here to justify the idea of "one person can unilaterally declare a marriage open because the other unilaterally decided not to have sex." This leaves no space to consider that the partner who's averse to sex may have many reasons, many of which could be worked on, treated medically or psychologically, or otherwise altered, which could restart the sexual relationship. In your view, there seems to be only "You won't have sex? I'll go find it elsewhere." If there is THAT little concern for the other person and that little investment in the other person's reasons for avoiding sex -- the "I've got to have it" partner should not be married at all. Then that partner can have all the sex they want without opening any marriage or maintaining any ties. [/quote]

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