Reply to I told my parents that we aren't coming over for Thanksgiving

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it’s great OP. We always had Thanksgiving at home with my family as a kid and really loved it. And you’ve definitely given them enough notice.

Your mom was just surprised. Give her a few days and then check back in with her asking if she thinks they will be coming. If she’s a normal person, she’ll come around pretty easily and enjoy the holiday at your house. And your dad probably really doesn’t care at all either way. [/quote]

I hope you are right.

I did tell my mother my plans. I did not ask her permission because I am in my 40s and I don't ask my parents for permission to do anything.

We stopped having a 'traditional' holiday of any kind several years ago. My parents are in their late 60s, not 70s or 80s, and they are not housebound.

Just before the pandemic, my mother started inviting her friends to Thanksgiving. These were people that I didn't know. Some of them were rude to me and my children, but at best, my parents spent the holiday with their friends and I ended up cleaning up after all of these people that I had just met. It was like crashing a cocktail party at their house and having to be the waitstaff. My kids were so bored with only each other talk too.[/quote]

You sound bitter and this was your revenge.

Did your mom make you serve, or did you decide to be a passive aggressive martyr?

Every time you post, you make yourself sound worse. Maybe you are a pill in real life and she had friends over to make her day more pleasant. I hope she has a great Thanksgiving with her friends![/quote]

How does someone make another person serve in your house?[/quote]

That was my question, but in her later post OP made it sound like she is the scullery maid at her mother’s event.[/quote]
When my husband is at his parents home he is 100% the scullery maid. They literally sit on their asses and have all the children (35-40 y/o) do everything. "Grab that out of the oven" "go ask everyone what they want to drink" (closely followed behind "can you refill so and so" "theres more X in the downstairs fridge, can you bring it outside" "can you grab all the dirty plates?" It's very annoying honestly. Idk how to say "no, its your house, serve your own guests" so I just go along with it and hate it. [/quote]

I don't see the problem with everyone pitching in? I don't make my 70+ mom wait on me hand and foot. I help out because it's a family affair, not a restaurant.[/quote]

+1. My mom bosses us all around too. I'd rather bring folding chairs up from the basement than my older parents. [/quote]

Same. I try to let my mom sit and relax while my sibling and I (and our spouses) handle as much of the serving and fussing as we can. I can't imagine expecting my elderly mother to be running around during a big dinner like that.[/quote]

That’s different! You AND your siblings are equally pitching in. I’m sure you would feel differently if  there were 20 of your mothers friends, people you don’t even know and you/your spouse were the only attendees expected to do everything while your kids are expected to sit quietly being ignored by everyone. [/quote]

OP - it just sounds like you really resent your parents and don't enjoy spending the holidays with them. Have you ever talked to your folks about keeping Thanksgiving smaller? Do you know why they keep inviting more and more friends?
[/quote]

Not OP but we tried having that conversation with my MIL and it went over like a lead balloon. Her perspective was that it's her house and therefore her choice, not ours. The idea that we would jointly, as a family, agree on a Thanksgiving that met everyone's needs (including our kids, who do not enjoy spending the day having to make small talk with all their grandparents neighbors and friends, and who barely even spend any time with their grandparents, who are too busy hosting these other adults) was not really on the table.[/quote]

I am the PP - and I feel like in a situation like that, you can feel free to just make your own plans, then. You've tried to accommodate, and have met stubborn resistance - and it's fine to decide you're ready to start your own traditions.

Just as a last comment - I'll just say that OP didn't say anything like that in the first post. No: we've tried for years to meet my parents halfway on this Thanksgiving tradition, and it's just not working. So this year we've decided we're going to do what we want, and it's hard to do for all the reasons you'd expect but it's also quite liberating. My mother's reaction drives home why this is hard and also why I have to do it - and I hope she'll decide to come spend the holiday with us instead of at her Gatsby-like festival of strangers, but if not then so be it.

That's not how it's sounded, and OP keeps coming back over and over to say stuff like, "How CURIOUS that you all keep discussing this rather incendiary and almost troll-like post that I'd almost forgotten about! By the way did I mention that my mother joined the Nazi party, and her Thanksgiving guests are also all Nazis?" And I think this is probably yet another troll thread that I've been suckered into having an opinion about. Anyway, well done OP - A+ trolling.[/quote]

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