Reply to I told my parents that we aren't coming over for Thanksgiving

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it’s great OP. We always had Thanksgiving at home with my family as a kid and really loved it. And you’ve definitely given them enough notice.

Your mom was just surprised. Give her a few days and then check back in with her asking if she thinks they will be coming. If she’s a normal person, she’ll come around pretty easily and enjoy the holiday at your house. And your dad probably really doesn’t care at all either way. [/quote]

I hope you are right.

I did tell my mother my plans. I did not ask her permission because I am in my 40s and I don't ask my parents for permission to do anything.

We stopped having a 'traditional' holiday of any kind several years ago. My parents are in their late 60s, not 70s or 80s, and they are not housebound.

Just before the pandemic, my mother started inviting her friends to Thanksgiving. These were people that I didn't know. Some of them were rude to me and my children, but at best, my parents spent the holiday with their friends and I ended up cleaning up after all of these people that I had just met. It was like crashing a cocktail party at their house and having to be the waitstaff. My kids were so bored with only each other talk too.[/quote]

You sound bitter and this was your revenge.

Did your mom make you serve, or did you decide to be a passive aggressive martyr?

Every time you post, you make yourself sound worse. Maybe you are a pill in real life and she had friends over to make her day more pleasant. I hope she has a great Thanksgiving with her friends![/quote]

How does someone make another person serve in your house?[/quote]

That was my question, but in her later post OP made it sound like she is the scullery maid at her mother’s event.[/quote]
When my husband is at his parents home he is 100% the scullery maid. They literally sit on their asses and have all the children (35-40 y/o) do everything. "Grab that out of the oven" "go ask everyone what they want to drink" (closely followed behind "can you refill so and so" "theres more X in the downstairs fridge, can you bring it outside" "can you grab all the dirty plates?" It's very annoying honestly. Idk how to say "no, its your house, serve your own guests" so I just go along with it and hate it. [/quote]

I don't see the problem with everyone pitching in? I don't make my 70+ mom wait on me hand and foot. I help out because it's a family affair, not a restaurant.[/quote]

+1. My mom bosses us all around too. I'd rather bring folding chairs up from the basement than my older parents. [/quote]

Same. I try to let my mom sit and relax while my sibling and I (and our spouses) handle as much of the serving and fussing as we can. I can't imagine expecting my elderly mother to be running around during a big dinner like that.[/quote]

That’s different! You AND your siblings are equally pitching in. I’m sure you would feel differently if  there were 20 of your mothers friends, people you don’t even know and you/your spouse were the only attendees expected to do everything while your kids are expected to sit quietly being ignored by everyone. [/quote]

Exactly. It's one thing to have a family affair where everyone contributes a dish, takes care of cleaning up after themselves, and helps each other. It's another to have to put on a formal affair for people that you don't know or who otherwise have no relationship with you while they sit back and enjoy the service as in a fancy restaurant.[/quote]

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