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College and University Discussion
Reply to "Parents- nix these behaviors in your kids before they go to college"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dear Prof, I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid. He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time. He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time. And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life. Best regards, Mom. [/quote] Oh FFS stop using their disabilities like a crutch. The professor is right and if your poor addled ADHD kids you have probably hovered over and made excuses for and bulldozed a path for over the years can’t meet basic expectations, you failed them. [/quote] dp.. obviously, people with ADHD have a harder time, but seriously, you cannot keep using this crutch into the workplace. Your boss won't care that you miss deadlines, and your coworkers won't care if you have adhd when you smell so badly no one wants to be in the conference room with you.[/quote] I often wonder what the plan is for all these SNs college grads. Do you steer them into becoming a CPA or actuary or computer programmer, etc. where they perhaps don't have to interact much with clients/customers? I mean the descriptions seem to indicate they have real problems functioning in the world.[/quote] No, my ADHD/anxiety/no EF kid got out of HS with a 3.5UW, went to a T100 school. Started as a premed/PT major and quickly learned that was not going to work. Had to learn how to go to all the extra session, talk to profs and decide when to drop the course for a W and figure out how to try and stay on track for their program. Then had to ultimately come to the self realization that the major/career path they desired might not work out for them, so had to deal with that and try to figure out what they wanted to major in. For my ADHD kid, this all came to a head in March of Freshman year when at 9pm the night before they needed to register for Fall sophomore year courses (10am registration slot). it was a 3+ hour phone call with them to let them vent and discuss and make "suggestions" and help them come and accept that their dream career wasn't going to happen---they just couldn't hack the science and memorization (medical field) and intensity of that---it's gut wrenching to have to help your kid come to that realization (they feel stupid and worthless when they've wanted to do this for years). So you talk to them and help them realize figure out the next steps. Then since registration is at 10am, you help them map out what they need to do to switch majors and try to get into the courses they need for their new major (finance/business so they are a full year behind the intro courses and want to graduate in 4 years). My kid was up, prepared and waiting at 7:55am for the first office to open at 8am. Got guidance from the "gatekeeper" for his original major for how to undeclared with them and then moved onto the business school "gatekeeper" and successfully registered for courses they needed at 10am. It's was stressful but they did it. It's a huge accomplishment when you are doing all of this all while feeling like your are worthless and "can't do anything right". Notice, I didn't do any of it. I simply worked with my kid to make sure they knew everything they might need to do so they wouldn't get screwed up and not get classes. Now my next kid, I have never had to do any of that, not since MS. They are self motivated, organized, no EF at all (probably have near photographic memory and extremely smart where everything comes easy to them). With them college is a different experience....there is not making sure they are on the right track or anything like that. They manage everything themselves...but they do not have ADHD.[/quote] Am trying to imagine how a kid gets to college thinking medical school is a viable option, based on their academic abilities. Did you seriously believe your child had realistic expectations for medical school?[/quote] Expectations for PT school, not med school. Personally, no, I figured it would likely end the way it did. But they really wanted to try and it's not my job to tell my kid they cannot achieve something without them at least attempting it. Many kids really come into their own in college---so you never know. My kid made great strides with their learning issues in ES/MS and did well in HS. So they picked a school with a PT program (highly ranked but my kid did not get direct admit) and a path where a significant portion of remaining spots go to students at the school in the program my kid was in. So if they did well, they had a good chance at getting in. I wasn't going to kill my kid's lifelong dream. But we made sure they picked a good school that had excellent other options to major in. [/quote]
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