Reply to Would you confront your husband/wife's Emotional Affair lover?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I recently discovered DH was having an affair.  The signs were all there and I chose to ignore them.  Of course the OW was a mutual friend also.

Did I contact her!  Hell yes.  She denied everything but then I sent an email, referencing some FB messages, just to let her know I did indeed have proof.   All I said was that i knew what was going on, I had proof, and it was going to end right then and there.  Unless she wanted me to tell her husband, whom I work with.  I also made sure that I called her while DH was on a plane returning from a business trip so he was not immediately available.  Then I blocked our cells from receiving calls or texts from her number.

Yes, DH and I have our share of problems but walking out on a marriage is not something I plan to do without a fight.  The affair was a symptom of a larger problem.  I was not good at giving hm the validation he needed as a man and husband.  I did withhold affection from him.  I did dismiss a lot of what he said.  If he did those things to me, I would probably look elsewhere too.

Regardless if the other woman was married or not, I would absolutely contact them.  Not to start a fight but to let them know just how fucked up what they did was.  If they want to fuck up their own lives, fine, but don't fuck with my family.  As a woman, I could never have an affair with a married man.  I don't consider myself the police on moral values but that's just wrong.  [/quote]

You are awesome.[/quote]

Thank you.  It's certainly not something you can prepare yourself for but I did sit on the information for a couple days and made sure I wasn't in a major fit of anger when I contacted her. [/quote]

OP here. If you had a choice of calling, emailing, or face-to-face, which would you choose?  I have this woman's cell phone #, work number, personal email, work email, place of employment. As mentioned before, she may be working in the same building that I do.[/quote]

I had cell, work and email.  I chose her work number because I blocked my outgoing number and figured she was more likely to answer an unknown number at her desk phone, the last thng I needed was someone stalking my cell.  Also less likely to get out of hand on the phone.  I wasn't shooting for a major screaming match, just calmly telling her to that I knew and she needed to prepare for the worst, which would be her husband finding out.  Was it uncool to call during work hours?  Yes.  But she had no problem screwing my husband during work hours so I can't say I really cared.  I will say I was emotionally completely tore up over this and was actually placing the call from home as I had taken a personal day.

If I worked in the same building as her, I would take a day off to handle things.  I actually contacted her before DH even knew I knew as well as monitored his emails and FB messages until he arrived home so I could delete if necessary.  I didnt actually get around to blocking her incoming calls and texts to his cell until the next evening as I wasn't sure what controls I had over the account, she actually reached him the next day and ended up telling him that I knew.   I had to speak to him face to face about and did but I wanted to let her know immediately.

I never told her husband.  I have enough issues in my own marriage, I have no desire to go causing problems in someone else's.  They also have infant children and recently purchased a new home. If they were to split, it could get really nasty and the kids deserve better.  I also have zero desire to have her husband grill me abut what I know.  I am trying to forgive and move on.  Reliving/rehashing those days is not something I want to do.  
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