Reply to Would you confront your husband/wife's Emotional Affair lover?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just another thought...if its a real EA (where emotions are involved and not just some random sex fling etc.).  You can either take comfort in (or maybe have some sympathy for) the fact that the OW is probably hurting nearly the same as you.  Of course, your hurt is justified, hers is more deserved...but the feelings are still there.  [/quote]

True. I actually was able to get to the point where I felt some sympathy for her. I figured she must be even more lost than me. We were all in bad marriages (me, DH, her, her DH) but they are the ones who chose to deal with it via this escape mechanism which just ended up giving them instant gratification but hurting them more in the long run.

I don't know how she felt after, but my DH was consumed with shame. Not just guilt, but actual self-loathing and shame. Turns out that is what led him (in part anyways) to the EA in the first place. Sort of a circle chicken-or-the-egg deal going on there.

I know that the OW in our case was pretty lost too. She definitely had self-esteem issues (did some things that she is probably not proud of in hindsight) and was going through a really, rough time in her life. I don't envy her. Hated her at first, was able to get past the anger, and eventually find some sympathy for her. Marriage, parenthood, being an adult, being human is hard and we all go through our share of shit.[/quote]

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