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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Also, she didn’t threaten physical harm. She threatened to contact my husband if I reached out to her husband again. I’m tempted to reach out to him. That’s my worst issue. That and wondering why he hasn’t reached out to me. [/quote]

He hasn't reached out to you because he's currently love bombing his wife, having intense hysterical bonding s*X, and trying to salvage what he broke. He doesn't care about you. Men will say whatever to get in your pants. He CHOSE to TELL HIS WIFE. [/quote]

Totally disagree. If things were so great with his wife then why was he talking for hours with another woman and clearly involved in a relationship that was more than just s$x?[/quote]

Most men who have affairs report being happy at home. It's not about finding a replacement for their wife . . . it's about having their cake and eating it too. In OP's case, he felt guilt, and the guilt caused him to confess, and once he confessed having his cake and eating it too wasn't on the menu anymore. He was forced to give one of them up.

Love bombing and hysterical bonding are common reactions to an affair. Once the bubble bursts and the cheater isn't starring in their own show with episodes such as "I'm Such Hot Stuff" and "Poor Me, Married to Such a Wretch," and they find that their main show, "Loving Husband and Father," is going to get cancelled, suddenly all they want is to keep the primary show running.[/quote]

Except for those men who end up leaving their marriage for the AP. [/quote]

That certainly happens. Every rule has an exception. But in terms of the research, this is what happens from most frequent to least frequent:
*married couple stays together** (something like 2/3 or 3/4 of all cases)
*married couple divorces and the newly single cheater decides to have a fresh start instead of committing to the OW
*married couple divorces, APs give it a go, doesn't last 
*married couple divorces and APs become a long-lasting, monogamous relationship

**In this case, the affair may or may not resume, or the cheater may have more affairs. We don't know. But most couples do not divorce.

Remember, all second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages. Absolutely there are APs who, despite being dinged for choosing to have an affair, have enough self-awareness, maturity, commitment etc. to make it work out in the open. But there's a lot of overlap between "people who choose to have affairs" and "people with a host of crap coping skills" and anyone with a lot of baggage and flaws is going to have long odds when it comes to building a relationship in the chaotic aftermath of a divorce.[/quote]

There are some second marriages and relationships after divorces that were probably secretly APs but they presented it to the world as a "fresh start."

I think the cases where the two end up together are often "upgrade" situations (financially and/or looks-wise, sometimes both).[/quote]

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