Reply to I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My question is, when it’s a serial adulterer, is the betrayed spouse equally mad at each successive AP or does it finally become the cheating spouses fault then? [/quote]

My question is why anyone thinks a betrayed spouse is not seething with rage and absolutely pissed at their spouse when they find out. The narrative some OW are trying to keep going “the woes me- why am I getting all the blame” blah blah crap almost seems like a severe need to stay relevant in the drama they crave and in AP’s life. I can tell you in the vast majority of cases nobody is thinking of you much after or even gives two sh@ts about you. You just aren’t relevant. [/quote]

Because they live with the spouse and do their laundry and pay their bills and sleep with them. That’s not “seething with rage”. That’s “blaming the party who it doesn’t inconvenience me to blame”.

And that’s the real reason the OW gets blamed. It doesn’t require introspection from the spouse. It doesn’t require real contrition or change from the adulterer. They get to pretend the affair (affairs) were something that happened to them, rather than something that was done by them. [/quote]

Have you been a betrayed spouse or cheating spouse?[/quote]

No but I watch it here— look how many BW threads are about how they’re so mad at the AP but “working on it” with their spouse— look up the “demanding intimacy” thread or the recent one about contacting the AP.

Meanwhile in real life the (female) cheater I know now blames her AP— who she pursued. The BW of the man who said he was in an open marriage wanted the OWs kid literally excluded from birthdays all because the AP did exactly what she did and believed the cheating partner’s lies. [/quote]

The thing about this place is that it's all anonymous and from what I gather, a lot of people start multiple threads. You may be basing your "research" on the postings of a very few, "special" individuals.

I have been a BW. I have life experience that you don't. I also know that the multitudes of my feelings and experiences can't be expressed in 100 words or less.[/quote]

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