Reply to Husband considers two plates left in the kitchen "lack of respect" toward him

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Earlier i criticized him more. Every time I called out a behavior, he said that he was sick of me quarreling all the time, that I am a bitter and terrible person, and that he is going to move out. He would storm out in the middle of (rare) family activities.

I was trying to have our son grow up in a family. But I realize that there would be another type of damage if we stayed together.[/quote]

JFC. This is awful. Threatening to leave, even when not acted on, is truly ugly behavior -- especially if your son has witnessed it. It makes kids believe that it's no big deal to toss out what are actually very serious threats, and one day he might find this so normalized that he does the same thing to his own family. He's already talking like dad in miniature, at times, as you note.

Your DH had a personality problem way before the plates. Controlling ways, insistence on a perfectly clean house as if no one lives there but him, responding to any criticism with insults ("bitter and terrible"), communicating angrily about the pettiest things -- Does he actually love you and your son, or behave in any loving ways, or relax, ever? Or does he interpret loving you both as earning as much money as he can while you leave him alone and create a spotless environment around him--?

The incident where he could not even abide to have a certain disliked child in his mere presence for a few seconds while DH walked through a room -- that's telling. He sounds extremely ill-suited to be a parent, and most of all, he sounds inflexible in ways that are actually worrying. His anger will only grow as your son grows. When your son starts to push back at all, saying he doesn't want to do some activity dad thinks he should do -- well, you will start to see DH's true anger come out when son starts to assert himself. Or conversely, son will learn he cant' ever push back or be an individual because he fears dad's anger.

Please get yourself into therapy immediately -- therapists can be hard to find right now, OP, but you need to try. You need some actual coping strategies, but NOT merely coping as in "keeping DH happy" by walking on eggshells while your son learns to walk on eggshells too. I am concerned for your son if you divorce and daddy gets 50 percent time with son alone -- that cannot be good. [/quote]

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