Reply to Husband considers two plates left in the kitchen "lack of respect" toward him

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks for your replies. I agree, the problem is much deeper than the two plates.

He doesn't want to do therapy. He says that I should change my behavior. I admit, the kitchen is often not tidied up. He says that when he comes home on a Friday afternoon, he expects the house to be perfect. The housekeeper comes once a week, on Saturdays.

The housekeeper does his laundry and changes the sheets.

Often he makes things about himself when that should not be the case. For example, our son doesn't want to be friends anymore with a boy in his class, because the behavior of this boy is increasingly weird. The mom of another boy in our child's circle of friends didn't know that and invited this boy to a planned group event at our house on a Friday afternoon. After my husband came home, he called this other mom, telling her that when he comes home on a Friday afternoon after a difficult week at work, he doesn't want to have to encounter this boy.

My son doesn't like his dad's behavior, but is already trying to rationalize it saying "he's just a nice guy with a bad temper."

My husband grew up with a similar father: an otherwise nice guy but with frequent outbursts of anger. My husband and his mother tiptoed around him in eggshells. They hated him. She was a sahm and did not think that she could afford to divorce him.[/quote]

Other than you working and his mom being a SAHM, you and your son are repeating the behavior of his mom and him as a child. He turned into his dad. His dad probably had parents like him and his wife, and probably felt the same as a child. Think about that.

Don’t frame it in a way that only lets you find the easiest way to keep him from being angry in the present. Think about it in a way that teaches your son that he doesn’t have to repress his own feelings to make someone else happy or bear the brunt of someone else’s anger when they’re unhappy. Also think about how you can teach your son by example that he doesn’t automatically get to have a wife and son who will bend over backwards to appease his every whim just because that’s how he was raised. How can you help your son not to become his father? Can you imagine someone posting what you wrote about that sweet little boy in a few decades? (It’s not fair for it to be all your responsibility, but your DH isn’t asking for opinions and doesn’t seem like he would want to change the cycle. You’re already part of the cycle, and you can find a way to break it or you can vm help it continue.)[/quote]

OP here. PP, thank you and all the other PPs for your very helpful insights. I realize that this is serious and would damage my child for life if I don't break the cycle.[/quote]

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