Reply to Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I usually follow my cultural practice of giving a check instead of buying things like towels etc.

However, I do not give the money to the nephew or niece who get married. I make the check out to my sibs or cousins ( parents of the bride or groom) who fund the wedding and write on the memo - on the occasion of xyz’s wedding!  The parents can pass on that money to their children or use the money to offset their costs.

I always prefer to give money but to the person who is throwing the wedding or who I am closer to. For example, if I am invited to the wedding of a friends offspring, I make out the check to my friend. [/quote]

This is really nasty. No one is asking you to pay for the wedding, you’re just being condescending to the couple…driving home the point that they didn’t pay for their own wedding, like shaming them.

If you were invited to my kid’s wedding and did this, I would send your check back and tell you to shove it up your butt.[/quote]

There is cultural context here you are missing.  In communities that do this, people know that parents are paying for the wedding and often provide gifts to their friends (the parents) to offset the costs.  The young couple is usually showered with gifts from their family but the thought is the family would know what’s needed.  I agree it feels odd in American culture.  [/quote]

What country's culture does this?  It's odd in any culture let alone those who decide to live in the USA.  I never heard of it from anyone who is or their parents were new to the USA.  Hah. I can only imagine if I gave parents checks when sibs, nieces, nephews, etc the check.  [/quote]

Sounds Chinese to me. Wouldn't be that far out of line in the culture I come from, but it would be odd.

[b]But the hyperventilation about it I am seeing in the thread is something else. Y'all are going to need to navigate the friction of much, much more severe cultural differences. The borders are open.[/b][/quote]
 
+1
It is a function of culture and who invited the guests.  If the bride and groom do not know the guests who are friends of the parents and the cultural practice allow this, then it is perfectly in line to give a check made out to parents for the newlyweds.  The idea is the parents will explain to the newlyweds who gave them the gift and the relationship.

In practical sense, the guests want to let their host know the amount that gave as gift.  Gift giving is a complex social act, at least in some cultures. [/quote]

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