Reply to Will I regret not having a third?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I am in the exact same boat as you in terms of always thinking I would have three and wanting the third, but my husband doesn't. I am agonizing about it.

Reading this thread, which is mostly arguing to stop at 2, I think it's regional. I lived in DC for many years and just recently moved to the sunbelt. I think the DMV is very culturally different -- I really think parents are way more stressed by kids, and the local culture promotes feeling resentful towards children or highlighting the stressful parts, whether that's career-related or whatever. I agree with the person who said parenting is difficult but worthwhile. Maybe we're all chasing total happiness and bliss 24/7, which is impossible and setting us up for disappointment.

My question as I, too, contemplate this is: How is one more THAT much more stressful than two? Two is already hard! [b]But how can one more person in the house add so much incremental difficulty? Or more difficulty than can be offset by the joy and fulfillment? I'm genuinely asking. I was shellshocked going from 0-1 because it's a total lifestyle change. But 1-2 was basically zero adjustment for me -- we were already in the trenches! [/b]

Besides an entire added human worth of expenses (which is a huge argument, I agree) and keeping the whole family down in the baby years with naps etc., I don't get how it's that big of a lifestyle change. But it DOES seem like it would be incrementally fun and lively and joyous and fulfilling.

Genuinely asking.[/quote]

I look at it not as “will having 3 bring *me* joy and fulfillment” but will I be able to give all 3 of my kids equal opportunities for joy and fulfillment. If you can, then go ahead.[/quote]

[b]But how can one more person in the house add so much incremental difficulty? Or more difficulty than can be offset by the joy and fulfillment? I'm genuinely asking. I was shellshocked going from 0-1 because it's a total lifestyle change. But 1-2 was basically zero adjustment for me -- we were already in the trenches![/b]

I do not have 3 children, but several very good friends with 3 all agreed, that going from 2 to 3 was as difficult as going from 0 to 1.  And the world isn't set up for a family of 5 - not cars, restaurants, etc - and then there is the fact that you will be sstarting all over with a baby, who needs specific things, when you also have 2 older ones who are so far beyond that, and need totally other things (after school/weekend classes and activities vs. the 2 or 3 daytime naps, elementary schoolers are more ready to spend more time at museums, restaurants, staying out later at friends houses or the playground, pushing bedtime a bit, etc - when a baby and toddler needs the opposite with strict bedtimes or they melt down, not being able to hang at a museum for hours, etc.  [/quote]

I have 3 and didn't feel like going from 2 to 3 was a big leap. It's true that you do have to multi-task and account for different nap, bedtime, school schedules but you adjust. The time going by so fast. My oldest 2 are in college now and my 3rd in high school. I'm not ready for an empty nest and I'm so glad I have a few more years. Also, part of our decision to go for 3 is that the first two were the same gender and we were hoping for kids from both genders. We lucked out and I can't imagine life without my youngest.
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