Reply to If there is a SAH spouse, are finances truly equal?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, in a functional joint-money relationship, you'd have an adult conversation about it. You'd have many adult conversations about money over the years, instead of avoiding the topic. You'd talk about your families of origin and money in that context-- your feeling of filial obligation, his feeling of social awkwardness about wealth disparities, whatever it may be. You'd probably set some boundaries around family spending (like, spend on parents but not cousins, only spend $100,000 a year on parents, whatever). You'd be aware of each other's savings goals and what each other thinks the savings are to be used for. It would NOT include the "silent treatment", withholding sex, or any other childish behavior. The *only* way to have truly joint money is to work out your differences through a candid discussion and reach a compromise. Joint money does NOT mean you get to buy whatever you want because you are rich. Right now you don't have joint money because you're not behaving like an adult about money.

So you'd be going into this car conversation with an understanding of your DH's concerns and sensitivities and he'd have an understanding of yours. You'd talk about what your parents actually need vs what's nice-to-have. You'd come out of the conversation with an approximate budget that both of you are comfortable with, and a list of features you're looking for in a car to suit your mom (low to the ground, assisted parking), and you'd shop around for something in the budget that has those features. If you can't find one, you re-open the budget discussion. But you do not, ever, give your DH the "silent treatment" or have any other kind of adult tantrum because he won't give you carte blanche to do whatever you want. That's not what joint money is.[/quote]

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