Reply to Why don’t more parents understand that adult kids have leverage nowadays to cut off contact, and

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
[b]I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS [/b]so they could control my whereabouts.  My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”.  I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work.  It took a lot to get my parents to allow this.  My parents then introduced “checks” on the car.  I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

[b]I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money.[/b] I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications.  The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad.  Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, [b]I didn’t have the ability to take out loans[/b].  Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents.  As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me.  [b]They paid for a condo in Manhattan[/b].  I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.  
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The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. [b]You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. [/b]You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you". [/quote]

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car.  My money was controlled by my parents.  I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret.  Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored.  If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this.  As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview.  She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school.  She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there.  I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there.  I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college.  The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal.  I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life.  But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.  [/quote]

Honey, I didn't get a car until I was a junior in[b] College[/b]. You aren't owed a car. If you had your own car then you could have figured out a way to cash your own check without mommy. If you wanted to go to college out of state you could have figured out a way to get the $50 app fee without your parents. At 18 you are an adult and could have taken the steps to be fully independent. I am by no means saying your parents are peaches because they sound awful but people are going to use your severe case as a reason for all kids to cut off their parents for much less. [/quote]

I was 17 when applying for college.  I didn’t turn 18 until my freshman year of college.  A minor can’t open a bank account in their own.  So no, I couldn’t find a way to get a $50 check unless I stole one.  Like I mentioned, I tried to get assistance from my college advisor in somehow paying the application fee.  He then notified my parents and I was punished.

[/quote]

There are tons of people who work with no bank accounts that cash their paychecks. You don't need a bank account to cash a check made out to you. Then you take your cash and send it with the application or give cash to friend and they write you the check. 
There are unhoused children and young adults fighting their way out of more oppressive situations than yours. [/quote]

I was underage and didn’t have access to the internet.  I had no way of knowing that I could put a check in the mail when I didn’t have a bank account with checks.

Fwiw I also didn’t have access to cash.  I wouldn’t have been allowed to leave the house to [b]walk a few miles to the nearest ATM[/b].  I would have had to lie and say I needed cash for something else, which they would have said no to.

[/quote]

You already said they gave you a car senior year, when you would have been applying to college. No walking necessary. Also, you had a job, presumably near some sort of business center closer to an ATM, unless you were Amish and working on a farm. Also, you said you tried to give cash to your guidance counselor, so did you have cash or not, which is it?

And bottom line, nobody cares about the mechanics of putting a check in the mail. The problem was very different. Your parents were mad that you tried to apply out-of-state when they told you they were unwilling to sign up for $20/30k in loans per year. You still haven't told us how you were "punished" for trying to get your counselor to write the check, even though several of us have asked you.

You're not reliable. If you were my kid, I might actually say OK, fend for yourself for a year or two and figure out how the world works. [/quote]

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